Simone Clare Bailey's Posts - The Book Marketing Network2024-03-19T08:34:29ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBaileyhttp://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/2977875474?profile=RESIZE_48X48&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1http://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profiles/blog/feed?user=0givvfkw5wn4e&xn_auth=noToday's Little Ramblingstag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2012-08-24:523145:BlogPost:5400092012-08-24T09:11:05.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>It's Friday night here in the land of Oz. My two sons are messing about in the loungeroom with the young lad who is having a sleepover, and I am pondering the imminent signing of the contract for my next book, 'Silver Studs & Sabre Teeth' - the title is a homage to the song 'Megal Guru' by T-Rex. One of my secondary characters is a Marc Bolan impersonator. Who, like me, is of the view that we need more Marc Bolan impesonators in fine literature? Who cares about boy wizards and vampires?…</p>
<p>It's Friday night here in the land of Oz. My two sons are messing about in the loungeroom with the young lad who is having a sleepover, and I am pondering the imminent signing of the contract for my next book, 'Silver Studs & Sabre Teeth' - the title is a homage to the song 'Megal Guru' by T-Rex. One of my secondary characters is a Marc Bolan impersonator. Who, like me, is of the view that we need more Marc Bolan impesonators in fine literature? Who cares about boy wizards and vampires? Who cares about Mummy Porn? I don't know if you in the US have been using the phrase Mummy Porn, and you would be spelling it Mommy Porn if you are, but I for one am fed up to the ovaries with it. Oh, in Oz we use it to refer to the 'Fifty Shades of Grey' trilogy that's settled quite comfortably on best seller lists here lately. Oh yes, Aesop's fox has definitely manifested itself in your humble blogger hereto!</p>
<p>My usual website is having technical difficulties. Bah, and bah again. Should be up and running in a few days. BUsiness days, that is. Bah, and bah again, says Yours Truly.</p>
<p>Not much else happening in my life of late. I had a moment of brief outrage today when I took my sons to soccer training. Somebody left a dirty condom on the field - I shit you not. A dirty condom, for some innocent to perhaps pick up and show his mother, and ask what it was. Or maybe for some passing dog to pick up and chew, then choke on. Hey listen, whoever you are, congratulations on practising safe sex, but how about next time you take your latex DNA catcher with you? Hmmmmm?</p>Today's Vagariestag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2012-03-19:523145:BlogPost:5189662012-03-19T10:04:25.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>I haven't been doing as much writing as I would like lately because I have to attain a qualification to enable me to continue working as a carer. Yes, I am an author, but like most Australian authors can't make a full time living from it. I work part time as a community carer, and my employer is training me in the appropriate qualification. Don't know what you call it in the US, but in Oz it's a Certificate III in Aged & Communitiy Care. Some of the old people whom I assist with…</p>
<p>I haven't been doing as much writing as I would like lately because I have to attain a qualification to enable me to continue working as a carer. Yes, I am an author, but like most Australian authors can't make a full time living from it. I work part time as a community carer, and my employer is training me in the appropriate qualification. Don't know what you call it in the US, but in Oz it's a Certificate III in Aged & Communitiy Care. Some of the old people whom I assist with medication are very interested in buying my books, so that's a bonus anyway.</p>
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<p>The thter day on FB, I had cause to post 'Hey, hey, my, my' by Neil Young (I'm in a group and we post songs according to a theme). When I was sixteen, my older brother and his coterie idolised Neil Young. I happen to enjoy his music when he's playing it live, but I think a lot of the studio stuff, like the aforementioned song, could suck the balls of a bull elephant dry. I do like 'Philadelphia', and 'Heart of Gold', and 'Four Strong Winds' (hang on, I'm gonna turn into a fan if I'm not careful). It got me thinking about afternoons when I would return home from school. I lived out of town on a property. One afternoon I got off the school bus, and walked through the paddock to my home. I heard this pitiful, nasally moaning. It made my blood turn cold. 'Oh no,' I thought. 'One of Dad's cattle has fallen in the gully and broken its leg. It's in pain. Dad might have to shoot it. This is terrible.' I hurried to the house to alert my mother, and when I got closer I realised my brother was home from TAFE, and was blaring 'Comes A Time' at distortion decibel levels.</p>
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<p>My books are available as paperback and e-books. I write mainly adult satire, so check out the first chapter of 'Calumny While Reading Irvine Welsh' at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a>. If you like young adult with a touch of hte supernatural in the form of a talking beagle - and no home should be without a talking beagle - then check out 'Abernethy' at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a>. </p>Sales Opportunities, And Something From The Eighties That Actually Didn't Sucktag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2012-02-04:523145:BlogPost:5077892012-02-04T09:53:33.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>It is my long held belief that the Eighties were the worst decade ever. Really, puffball skirts (pfffft!), androgynes who sang crappy songs (yes, you, Boy George and Marilyn!), shoulder pads that made you resemble a grid iron player, ozone-depleting hair product, skinny leather ties (I remember my cousin received one as a favour from a girl he partnered in the local deb ball, and a jealous friend upon hearing of this just slavered, 'Yum!'), mullet hair (actually, I live in a town populated…</p>
<p>It is my long held belief that the Eighties were the worst decade ever. Really, puffball skirts (pfffft!), androgynes who sang crappy songs (yes, you, Boy George and Marilyn!), shoulder pads that made you resemble a grid iron player, ozone-depleting hair product, skinny leather ties (I remember my cousin received one as a favour from a girl he partnered in the local deb ball, and a jealous friend upon hearing of this just slavered, 'Yum!'), mullet hair (actually, I live in a town populated by bogans, which is an Australianism for rednecks, and many of them still sport the spirit-dropping 'do); I could go on, but will decline. Anyway, I've just been goofing about on You Tube, and watched the clip for The Cars 1984 hit 'Heartbeat City'. There is something from the Eighties that does not make me doubt the existence of a higher power. It's cool. I love the intro, the delivery, and the fact that despite an alarming resemblance to an emaciated praying mantis, Ric Ocasek is seriously cool.</p>
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<p>Still working hard to get the books sold, however. Now, I may live in Australia, peeps, but my novels are available on e-book. You don't have to worry about pesky things like freight, that necessitate the taking out of a second mortgage. I don't follow the foreign exchange religiously, but I'm sure our respective dollars are comparable. My books, by the way, are about $9.00AUS. Who likes adult satire, that doesn't actually bite, but nibbles gently? Click on this link: <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a> and read the first chapter - it's about a young woman whose life becomes a media circus after being arrested in relation to a crime she may or may not have committed. I wanted to talk about how stupid everybody carries on (yeah, inspired by 'The Bonfire Of The Vanities'). And who among you likes young adult, especially when it involves a talking beagle? Read the first chapter of 'Abernethy' via <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a>. Go on, I double dare ya!</p>
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<p>Like many writers, it's not my main source of income. I work as a community carer, and the other week I had to watch an elderly woman inject her insulin. She's not one of my regulars; her usual carer team have been short-staffed. Anyhoo, her son-in-law was there, and told her she was in the presence of a local author. She became pleased, and asked could she purchase copies of my books. One of them arrived from the publishers through the week, and I dropped it around to her today. We had a lovely chat as she used to do creative writing classes, and loves Stephen Fry and Oscar Wilde, as do I. It's amazing who you meet, and when you get the opportunity to make a sale, isn't it?</p>A Yucky Song I Heard Todaytag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-12-16:523145:BlogPost:4999232011-12-16T08:45:06.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>In Australia we haven't exercised the death penalty since 1967. The Act itself was repealed, I think, in the early 1970s. There are good reasons for not having the death penalty. Of course, there is the heavy possibility that somebody INNOCENT may get executed. There is the fact that it is not a deterrent, because most murders are committed in the heat of the moment, ie, crimes of passion. Well, I have found another one. It just may inspire songs like 'Womens' Prison', performed by…</p>
<p>In Australia we haven't exercised the death penalty since 1967. The Act itself was repealed, I think, in the early 1970s. There are good reasons for not having the death penalty. Of course, there is the heavy possibility that somebody INNOCENT may get executed. There is the fact that it is not a deterrent, because most murders are committed in the heat of the moment, ie, crimes of passion. Well, I have found another one. It just may inspire songs like 'Womens' Prison', performed by Loretta Lynn. I've heard about this song, and today I had a listen. Oh my giddy aunt, I just wanted to rip off my ears and throw them away. Look, personally, most country music makes me want to retch like a demonically possessed adolescent. I'll admit that. But this song was almost a parody in its self-piteous (well, I guess a prisoner on death row about to get zapped is entitled to a little self-pity) and whiny mewlings. But for the sake of music lovers everywhere, please let's have no more executions anywhere because we just don't want any more songs like this.</p>My Latest Posting & Blatant Self-Promotiontag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-11-14:523145:BlogPost:4922082011-11-14T00:50:58.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>So many impediments to getting the writing done. Writers moan about lack of time, lack of inspiration, distractions. Here's another one to add to the list: kids spilling freaking yoghurt on the keyboard! Had to clean the rotten thing, unless I wanted it to smell like Satan's effluvium and have a dozen repetitions every time I pressed the '8' key. So I did what every good woman does. Cleaned up after the kids. I also cursed them, as I damped a cloth with white vinegar, wrapped it around…</p>
<p>So many impediments to getting the writing done. Writers moan about lack of time, lack of inspiration, distractions. Here's another one to add to the list: kids spilling freaking yoghurt on the keyboard! Had to clean the rotten thing, unless I wanted it to smell like Satan's effluvium and have a dozen repetitions every time I pressed the '8' key. So I did what every good woman does. Cleaned up after the kids. I also cursed them, as I damped a cloth with white vinegar, wrapped it around the tip of a butter knife, and wiped between the offending key. There, that's my Martha Stewart-ish tip for the day.</p>
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<p>The Kardashians have apparently published a novel. I read a review for it in a local newspaper the other week. Gosh, is there nothing this lot can't do, aside from understand the concept of overkill? The review was not favourable. In fact, it metaphorically urinated all over the book. But you know what grinds my gears? The f*****g book will probably sell more copies than my novels will! </p>
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<p>Now, speaking of selling books - ahem! - please check out the links to my novels. I write adult satire, and this reflected in 'Calumny While Reading Irvine Welsh (link <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a>) and my other novel out at the moment is Young Adult, although oldies have told me they like it - (link <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a>). The latter is about a 14yo boy who finds a beagle, which can talk. The novels have an Aussie flavour, but any strange terms can be understood in the context.</p>
<p>Cheers!</p>Trying to turn 'modest' to 'slutty'tag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-11-07:523145:BlogPost:4913412011-11-07T02:00:00.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>I've been reading a novel about a writer, and the story describes his book sales as 'modest'. Well, I guess my book sales can be described that way, too. But you know what? I don't want them to be modest anymore, I want them to become 'slutty'. I guess if people use the word 'modest' to describe less-than-spectacular sales, then I would imagine that 'slutty' would be a good word to describe multitudinous sales. Yep, I want 'em to be slutty; slutty as the gangbang moll that used to…</p>
<p>I've been reading a novel about a writer, and the story describes his book sales as 'modest'. Well, I guess my book sales can be described that way, too. But you know what? I don't want them to be modest anymore, I want them to become 'slutty'. I guess if people use the word 'modest' to describe less-than-spectacular sales, then I would imagine that 'slutty' would be a good word to describe multitudinous sales. Yep, I want 'em to be slutty; slutty as the gangbang moll that used to operate from either behind the local bowling alley, or in the Church of England graveyard, as was the case in the town where I grew up. Yes, I know it's a bit creepy to ply your wares in a graveyard at night, but hey, whatever revs your engine. I still get a little creeped out when I remember being told about this guy and this girl, both about fifteen at the time, doing the wild thang near one of those crumbly old headstones where the elements have worn away the lettering, and they therefore don't know whose grave they're defiling. It's probably some fine old stalwart, or some brave young man who had his guts blown out at The Somme.</p>
<p>So I'm desperately trying to besmirch my books sales. If you like adult satire, check out 'Calumny While Reading Irvine Welsh' at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a> and read the blurb and Ch1. Then, hopefully, click on the book cart.</p>
<p>If you're into Young Adult with a touch of the supernatural in the form of a talking beagle, check out 'Abernethy' at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a>. Follow the same procedure as above.</p>A review of my novel 'Abernethy'tag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-10-24:523145:BlogPost:4893632011-10-24T03:17:47.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<em><span class="font-size-3" style="font-family: book antiqua,palatino;">This review was provided by US author Matt Syverson, who is a member of this website. Abernethy is available as both paperback and e-book. The link to check out first chapter is <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a> </span></em> <br></br><br></br>
<p> Before reading 'Abernethy' by Simone Bailey, I can't say I had ever read what is called Young Adult…</p>
<em><span class="font-size-3" style="font-family: book antiqua,palatino;">This review was provided by US author Matt Syverson, who is a member of this website. Abernethy is available as both paperback and e-book. The link to check out first chapter is <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a> </span></em> <br/><br/>
<p> Before reading 'Abernethy' by Simone Bailey, I can't say I had ever read what is called Young Adult literature, which is marketed to ages 14-21. I was never exposed to the genre as an adolescent, if it existed at all. As a teenager many years ago, I lost myself in classics like 'Robinson Crusoe', 'Animal Farm', and 'Lord of the Flies', all of which might be classified as 'YA' if written today. As I writer myself, I was anxious to see what Simone had crafted with 'Abernethy'. I was especially interested when I found out it featured a talking beagle, since I am a dog lover.</p>
<p> The novel starts quickly, and 14-year-old protagonist, Billy, and beagle, Abernethy, are making their<br/>introductions within the first page. Little exposition of the beagle's past is offered, but the author makes known with a few sentences what brought Abernethy the remarkable ability to talk. A snotty bully named Clayton makes his presence known, as well, and in him Bailey has crafted a particularly realistic character –<br/>a timely one at that, as he uses the internet to ridicule poor Billy.</p>
<p> Billy is at a new school in a new town, the by-product of his father being shipped off to prison for a white-collar crime. Abernethy has come along at just the right time to guide the teen with some sage advice in the absence of a father figure. Billy's mother is sympathetic, but she feels a bit betrayed by her husband and her actions reflect that.</p>
<p> A trip to the prison gives the reader the opportunity to meet Billy's father, who's keeping a stiff upper lip and making the best of things while waiting for an appeal. A surprise run-in with Clayton also makes Billy's father's plight known to the bully, which he exploits on his blog.</p>
<p> The story continues in a linear fashion, and it is an enjoyable read. Billy is taking part in a school production of 'Grease' and making new friends as a result, although Clayton is also around giving people headaches. Clayton and Billy also share a budding interest in the same young lady, although the love triangle does not overwhelm the story.</p>
<p> At times, the story continues without the presence of Abernethy. I missed the dog during his<br/>absences, but the story has obviously been well thought out by Bailey. She must have felt the talking dog's appearances better served certain key moments.</p>
<p> The book comes to an exciting climax with the performance of 'Grease', the discovery of some illegal hanky-panky, and a veritable monsoon storm, all of which provide opportunities for Billy to rise to the occasion and do himself proud. The book concludes in a very satisfying manner and begs the possibility of a sequel or series.</p>
<p> As an American, I must say that there were challenges in reading such a clearly Australian book. In almost all cases, I was able to deduce the meaning of the unfamiliar words and colloquial phrases without consulting the internet. A teenager in the U.S. would need to be an above average reader and have access<br/>to Google, but who ever said a challenge was bad for a growing mind? 'Abernethy' is a wonderfully entertaining story with all the desired elements of a coming of age tale, and I highly recommend it.</p>
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<p>Matt Syverson</p>Review: 'Black Dog' by Matt Syversontag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-10-24:523145:BlogPost:4893612011-10-24T03:06:11.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
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<p align="center"><b><i>Black Dog</i><br></br>Review</b><b> </b></p>
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<p align="center" style="text-align: left;">The importance of family, the life-and-death cycle, friendship, and the struggle to understand divinity are<br></br>some of the themes explored by former high school science teacher turned musician and author Matt Syverson in his novel <i>Black Dog</i>, ISBN 978-0-615-42806-2 (published by Backstage Pass Publishing…</p>
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<p align="center"><b><i>Black Dog</i><br/>Review</b><b> </b></p>
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<p align="center" style="text-align: left;">The importance of family, the life-and-death cycle, friendship, and the struggle to understand divinity are<br/>some of the themes explored by former high school science teacher turned musician and author Matt Syverson in his novel <i>Black Dog</i>, ISBN 978-0-615-42806-2 (published by Backstage Pass Publishing <a href="http://www.backstagepasspublishing.com/">http://www.backstagepasspublishing.com</a> as both paperback and available from Amazon Kindle as an e-book).</p>
<p>The novel tells of two high school students Jonah and Joe E, an emo and brainiac respectively, who decide to spend their summer vacation visiting Joe E’s aged grandmother in a seemingly pedestrian town in Alabama. Jonah and Joe E are likeable enough characters, and made this reviewer think of Bill and Ted (minus the stoner humour), especially as the plot developed. The house of Joe E’s grandmother has seen great tragedy in the death of Joe E’s Uncle Ernie, whom he had never met. The boys avail themselves of Ernie’s belongs, which include an extensive collection of classic albums including <i>Led Zeppelin IV</i>, which some of you will be aware features a track titled <i>Black Dog</i>, to which the title of Syverson’s novel refers. Whilst skylarking, the boys play some of Uncle Ernie’s albums backwards, and in doing so cause the song subjects to manifest themselves, for example, a black Scottish terrier the boys decide to name Black Dog. </p>
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<p>It soon becomes apparent that somebody has used the portal of Uncle Ernie’s old record player to conjure more nefarious characters from the classic albums, such as Black Sabbath’s werewolf, and Jonah and Joe E are faced with the decision that will shape them as young men, in the classic coming-of-age style (‘We must answer the call and fulfil our duty’). They are not alone, however, as well as Black Dog they are aided by a unicorn, a sagely old African-American man named Otis, and the Jethro Tull inspired character<br/>Aqualung. </p>
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<p>The novel’s characters are well-defined, and although it might seem to the reader that there is a lengthy<br/>build-up to the ‘action’, Syverson’s well-paced narrative and fluent style make for very enjoyable reading.</p>
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<p>Syverson also employs an effective tool in having an intelligent-voiced, tongue-in-cheek ‘narrator’ occasionally interrupt and explain proceedings. The overall language, especially that of the ‘narrator’ is<br/>poetic, and the novel makes clever use of pop culture references in its imagery. Jonah and Joe E’s maturation from slothful teenagers to brave young men feels natural, particularly Joe E’s self-discovery at one very poignant moment toward the novel’s end.</p>
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<p>An enjoyable book I would recommend particularly to rock music fans, and Gen-Xers seeking a ‘boy’s own’<br/>type of story. Also to those who like the idea of Jethro Tull’s Aqualung playing Pac-Man.</p>
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<p>Simone Bailey</p>
<p>Author</p>
<p>2011</p>Cosmic Vampirestag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-10-14:523145:BlogPost:4874752011-10-14T10:08:29.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>This is a major piss-off: having no time or energy to write these days. When not writing, I work as a carer. This is rewarding and helps pay the bills, at least until my novels pay a bit more of my bills (and there goes a pig steering a hang glider). Not only have I been mega-busy, I have come down with a beast of a head cold. Just the sort that makes you feel as though a medicine ball is blocking your sinuses, and a large invisible vise has grabbed your head. I would have preferred to…</p>
<p>This is a major piss-off: having no time or energy to write these days. When not writing, I work as a carer. This is rewarding and helps pay the bills, at least until my novels pay a bit more of my bills (and there goes a pig steering a hang glider). Not only have I been mega-busy, I have come down with a beast of a head cold. Just the sort that makes you feel as though a medicine ball is blocking your sinuses, and a large invisible vise has grabbed your head. I would have preferred to spend today writing, instead I spent it with someone who is best described as a cosmic vampire, ie, drains the energy. I also had to apply a dressing to an ulcerated sore. I am not an RN, although I am a first aider, and I had to cast my mind back to my first aid course, and try not to think about the lessons we had in life saving at school, when this kid stuck his dick in the CPR mannequin's mouth the moment the instructor was called away. In case you're wondering, nobody passed the test because nobody would do mouth-to-mouth on the mannequin afterwards, much to the instructor's puzzlement.</p>
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<p>Sometimes I feel as though everyone wants a piece of me. I'm a mum, so this is probably why. Even at the theatrical society, where I am secretary, people ask for odd things. Well, if you're putting on a show, dry ice is not that odd a request. The person who asked does have some dry ice, but she can't spare it because she uses it for storing bull semen. Now THAT was an interesting conversation!</p>
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<p>People to avoid: cosmic vampires. They are not bad people, but they just leave you drained afterwards of any ounce or skerrick of mojo, vim, verve, whatever-you-wanna-call-it. I would like to tackle the manuscript of my next book tomorrow (I have not long ago finished the first draft), but instead I'm working again. But it's Saturday which means time-and-a-half. This means I may keep my kids fed and sheltered for a bit longer. </p>
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<p>There are otherways to keep the kids fed and sheltered; sell some BOOKS. Now, who likes adult satire, with a nibble? Read the blurb and first chapter at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a> and if you're into young adult with a talking beagle (hey, it can happen!), check out blurb and first chapter at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a>. The books are available as paperback and as e-book. Now, you readers outside Australia, I get the impression your US dollar is better than our Aussie dollar, so you won't lose too much money. Damn, the hint I just dropped landed on my foot!</p>School days, and pleeeeeze buy my books!tag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-10-01:523145:BlogPost:4856232011-10-01T02:28:25.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>So. Tonight's the big night. School reunion - thirty years since Year 10. Hoo boy. I didn't get to do all those tummy crunches I planned in order to slim down. I was actually a somewhat hot-bodied teenager. I guess I'm passable as a middle-aged woman. Tonight the big questions will be answered: Who got fat? Who went bald? Who had a sex change? Now, what I'm fantasing about is that my old classmates will rock up with copies of my novels for me to autograph. Pie-in-the-sky pipe…</p>
<p>So. Tonight's the big night. School reunion - thirty years since Year 10. Hoo boy. I didn't get to do all those tummy crunches I planned in order to slim down. I was actually a somewhat hot-bodied teenager. I guess I'm passable as a middle-aged woman. Tonight the big questions will be answered: Who got fat? Who went bald? Who had a sex change? Now, what I'm fantasing about is that my old classmates will rock up with copies of my novels for me to autograph. Pie-in-the-sky pipe dream is what that is, I daresay. Anyway, I will hand out business cards which will direct my old classmates to the publisher's website, where my books can be purchased either as e-book or paperback. If you like adult satire, check out the first chapter of 'Calumny while reading Irvine Welsh' at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a>, and if you like young adult, check out 'Abernethy' at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I wonder how my old school chums turned out. I have a fair idea as I was on the organising committee. I hope none of them do what some freak did when I was at a book signing one day, which is to tell me that if I put my faith in Jesus my books will sell. Hey, maybe they will. Who knows? I just want the damn things to sell. Do I have to put a video of myself on You Tube, like that deranged Britney Spears fan bawling at everyone to leave Britney ALOOONNNNE! Yes, I'm sure that would look great, me with panda-ringed eyes and dual runners of snot streaming from my nostrils as I implore everyone to buy my books. Any sales resulting from this should be spent on getting back my self-dignity, which will have been hocked well and truly!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ciao for now!</p>The Old School Yardtag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-09-01:523145:BlogPost:4770332011-09-01T11:06:35.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>I've got my school reunion in a few weeks. And notwithstanding I considered myself to be something of a fuck-up at high school (the syndrome affects many teenagers, I guess), I found myself on the committee to organise the reunion. And learned that perhaps I wasn't the fuck-up I believed myself to be. A few people I tracked down and made contact with have emailed me, having read some of my material, and told me they remembered me for a sense of humour, and being an art-and-literature…</p>
<p>I've got my school reunion in a few weeks. And notwithstanding I considered myself to be something of a fuck-up at high school (the syndrome affects many teenagers, I guess), I found myself on the committee to organise the reunion. And learned that perhaps I wasn't the fuck-up I believed myself to be. A few people I tracked down and made contact with have emailed me, having read some of my material, and told me they remembered me for a sense of humour, and being an art-and-literature girl. This sure beats being remembered as a fuck-up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Being on the committee, I pretty muc know what most of the old classmates are up to now. But you tend to wonder things like has that promiscuous girl who only wore underpants to keep her ankles warm joined a convent? Or maybe the class clown who was always farting, or dressing the science lab skeleton in lingerie has now become a liberal politician.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I do know that the guy who used to shit the domestic science teacher to tears is now a chef at a rather classy restaurant. And the boy who was taken aside several times and asked what he was going to do with his life is now earning more money than those teachers will ever see.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anyway, I've got this fantasy about the Big Night, which will be in five weeks. I dream that the classmates attending will turn up with copies of my novels for my autograph! They will have either bought them at a book store, or online at the publishers having read the first chapters and blurbs at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a> (young adult) and <a href="http://www.zeus-publications/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a> (satire). The books are also available as e-books. I'm not sure how to sign whatever apparatus they'll be reading them on!</p>Getting Back Into Writing vs A Guilty Pleasuretag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-08-30:523145:BlogPost:4766162011-08-30T11:20:23.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>The other week, having exhausted all other avenues for publicising my work, I suggested to my husband we have a reality television show to publicise my novels. He said, 'It would be a pretty boring show.' He's right. But that does not stop anybody else from having one, does it? And unlike most people who have reality TV shows, I'm pretty certain I'm not an oxygen-thieving waste of space. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I've not long completed the first draft of my next novel, but I've put it in…</p>
<p>The other week, having exhausted all other avenues for publicising my work, I suggested to my husband we have a reality television show to publicise my novels. He said, 'It would be a pretty boring show.' He's right. But that does not stop anybody else from having one, does it? And unlike most people who have reality TV shows, I'm pretty certain I'm not an oxygen-thieving waste of space. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I've not long completed the first draft of my next novel, but I've put it in abeyance for a few months until I get some other projects out of the way, ie, a play I'm involved in and my school reunion. These things will be over in about one month's time, so it's a-editin' I will go! I'm getting antsy and am really looking forward to getting into it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But it's nice to give the brain a rest, and I think very important. I didn't do any writing today, after I finished my paid work. What I did do was apply a colorant to my hair (I'm a natural redhead and intend to stay that way for as long as I can feasibly get away with!) and look at clips of the De Franco Family singing, 'Heartbeat, It's A Lovebeat' on You Tube. As you do. Oh come on, admit it's one of your guilty pleasures, too!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, who likes adult satire with a gentle nibble? Yes? Well, check out the blurb and first chapter of my novel 'Calumny while reading Irvine Welsh' at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a>. I'm hoping the mention of the author who wrote 'Trainspotting' should grab your attention. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Who likes young adult (that will appeal to oldies, too) about lonely fourteen-year-old boys who befriend talking beagles? You do? Well, you can read the first chapter and blurb to 'Abernethy' at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a>. 'Abernethy''s getting me some good feedback, so hopefully that will inspire people to check it out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The books are available in paperback, and as e-books, too. Details re this can be seen when you (hopefully! Please, pretty please with sugar on it!) click on the links.</p>Androgynes, Enemas & E-Bookstag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-08-05:523145:BlogPost:4645142011-08-05T11:26:38.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>Some things just don't make a lot of sense. Today a FB friend of mine posted a clip from Dead or Alive, with a comment that today is the lead singer's birthday. I think the androgynous one is 52. I shouldn't care about this, and to be honest, I don't. But they had a mainstream hit in the mid-80s with 'You Spin Me Right Round'. Now, I have an innate loathing of just about all things 80s, and this dude encapsulates the bulk of them, particularly the 80s androgynous fad. As you can…</p>
<p>Some things just don't make a lot of sense. Today a FB friend of mine posted a clip from Dead or Alive, with a comment that today is the lead singer's birthday. I think the androgynous one is 52. I shouldn't care about this, and to be honest, I don't. But they had a mainstream hit in the mid-80s with 'You Spin Me Right Round'. Now, I have an innate loathing of just about all things 80s, and this dude encapsulates the bulk of them, particularly the 80s androgynous fad. As you can imagine, Boy George and Marilyn had me worrying about the fate of mankind, too. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind androgynes as a rule, and I like a singing androgyne when the music is actually listenable (case in point: David Bowie). Being a lover of glam rock, heavy rock, most-types-of-rock, I was a bit puzzled when I went to a nightclub in 1986 with my cousin and a friend, and this number came on. My companions danced like their feet couldn't stop, and to my amazement, I joined in. I should not have liked this song. But I did. This is an aberration; something that is so not me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Did something new today - learned how to care for a quadriplegic man. When I'm not writing, I'm a community carer. He has limited movement, but of course having suffered a spinal injury needs help with some personal things. Clue: he has to have enemas. I didn't have to do that today, but I did shower and assist with drying and dressing. This meant I had to learn how to use his battery operated hoist, as I'm not allowed to lift. There's so much technology available these days, and one of the things that must be a boon to spinal injury patients with limited movement is the e-book. My own books have been converted to e-book format, as well as paperback. E-book is cheaper, and there's no freight charge, so that's handy for overseas buyers, too. That thud you all heard was the hint I've just dropped. I haven't told this guy about my writing yet. Today was the first time I've met him, and I was busy learning how to do his care. When I'm on my own with him and we have a convo, I might tell him then.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Meanwhile, my novels are an adult satire, 'Calumny while reading Irvine Welsh' (<a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a>) which tells of a young woman arrested for a crime she may or may not have committed. It focuses on the silly way the media carry on. One of my influences was 'The Bonfire of the Vanities' (great book; shit film. Avoid the film like you would a rabid Doberman). </p>
<p> </p>
<p>My other is young adult, but oldies should like it, too. Actually, later today I had to deliver some ready made meals to pensioners, and I was at this block of units when two of the other residents (one of whom I had known previously) told me they loved 'Abernethy' (<a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a>). It's te story of a lonely fourteen year old boy who meets a beagle, who is able to communicate with him, and who becomes a Jiminy Cricket type figure. One of the women told me she loved my first one, too. Well, it cheered me to hear that. The past few days have been shit. My uncle died. I was involved in a minor car bingle (only minor, but it was upsetting). My uncle's funeral was yesterday. And today I got told that one of the elderly gentleman for him I used to care (getting his meals and medications, or taking him for drives) has recently passed away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If things are this sucky, they can only get better, right?</p>Childhood Shenaniganstag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-07-29:523145:BlogPost:4599202011-07-29T12:05:11.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>Some things are not so good at the moment. First of all, I read the the paper that Hugh Hefner's ex spoke about their life between the sheets, and said he lasted, 'like, two seconds.' Hey, he lasted. I thought only arteries got hard in men his age. But it gave me a visual I just really did not need. And neither did you, reader, and for that I apologise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My uncle is sick, and gravely so. I visited him yesterday, and stayed with my father and his sister. But what was…</p>
<p>Some things are not so good at the moment. First of all, I read the the paper that Hugh Hefner's ex spoke about their life between the sheets, and said he lasted, 'like, two seconds.' Hey, he lasted. I thought only arteries got hard in men his age. But it gave me a visual I just really did not need. And neither did you, reader, and for that I apologise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My uncle is sick, and gravely so. I visited him yesterday, and stayed with my father and his sister. But what was nice is that my father and aunt had a couple of wines last night and talked about the mischief they used to get into as children. My father, who roused on me when I snuck into the town swimming pool one night used to sneak into a nearby paddock and ride the cattle whilst the livestock's owner was away (my aunt had to go lookout). Actually, this set me father on an interesting career path: when in his early twenties he was crowned Australian Buckjumping Champion. Maybe those illicit bovine rides helped him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>My aunt wants to write a book about their shenanigans. Maybe I could ghost it for them? My other books are available through Zeus Publications, and the first chapters and blurb can be read online. As well as paperback, they are available as e-books. The heavy thud you heard was the large hint I've just dropped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a></p>
<p><a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a></p>
<p> </p>
<p>I had to stay away with my father last night, and missed my son's birthday. He turned seven yesterday. I felt very sad, but he was fine, which is the main thing. I'll be missing both my sons' soccer matches yesterday as I have to work (as well as author, I am a carer). I'm taking out a special needs boy. We need to eat, so I have to do some paid work as well. Only until my books earn my fortune and pay my mortgage!</p>You're a Wonder, Wonder Womantag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-07-25:523145:BlogPost:4576242011-07-25T13:06:15.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>Just a quick random musing before I lay me down to sleep (it's almost 11.00pm here in Australia). I've had it brought to my attention that yesterday was the birthday of actress Lynda Carter, aka Wonder Woman in the 1970s television show. She was, and still is, one gorgeous broad. Does anybody else think that Major Steve Trevor, WW's love interest, must be one of the stupidest men alive? By this I mean Diana Prince (I forget her ranking) would always contact Wonder Woman (from memory),…</p>
<p>Just a quick random musing before I lay me down to sleep (it's almost 11.00pm here in Australia). I've had it brought to my attention that yesterday was the birthday of actress Lynda Carter, aka Wonder Woman in the 1970s television show. She was, and still is, one gorgeous broad. Does anybody else think that Major Steve Trevor, WW's love interest, must be one of the stupidest men alive? By this I mean Diana Prince (I forget her ranking) would always contact Wonder Woman (from memory), and then WW would arrive and Diana would not be there. WW would make her exit, and heigh-ho-the-dairy-o, Diana would arrive on the scene and ask, 'What did I miss?" How on earth could this dude not twig that Wonder Woman and Diana Prince were one and the same? How many women does he know who stand six feet tall (especially back in the 1940s), are drop dead beautiful, and built like a brick shithouse?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not that I'm going to let this spoil my sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>'Abernethy' by Simone Bailey - <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a></p>
<p>'Calulmny while reading Irvine Welsh' by Simone Bailey - <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a></p>
<p> </p>The Concerts Of My Misspent Youthtag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-07-20:523145:BlogPost:4559162011-07-20T12:04:19.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>I'm a member of a Facebook page that is dedicated to songs, and every day we have a theme and post a song pertaining to that theme. It's always fun when we have a theme about songs we can't stand! Today, we posting songs from bands we have seen in concert. It got me thinking about some concerts I attended many years ago. My cousin took me to see an Aussie band at a North Sydney nightclub. I won't say the name of the band, but I will say that they encapsulated to me all that was wrong…</p>
<p>I'm a member of a Facebook page that is dedicated to songs, and every day we have a theme and post a song pertaining to that theme. It's always fun when we have a theme about songs we can't stand! Today, we posting songs from bands we have seen in concert. It got me thinking about some concerts I attended many years ago. My cousin took me to see an Aussie band at a North Sydney nightclub. I won't say the name of the band, but I will say that they encapsulated to me all that was wrong about the Eighties: gelled hair, puffy shirts, crappy songs, strap-on synths. The lead singer of this band is actually now a rather prolific figure in Oz music, and a talented man. I just think he wasted his talents on this genre. What I remember is my cousin bopping away and having a great time, whilst I, a lifelong devotee of glam rock and metal, stood there sipping my West Coast Cooler and thinking, WTF? I also met an incredibly unsuitable man with whom I fell in love, and believed he loved me too. He still loved his ex, as it turned out. I got my heart broken. Never mind, it freed me to meet many more unsuitabe men before I met my hubby.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It also got me thinking about going to see Hoodoo Gurus gigs. Were the Gurus big in the States at all? I saw them a few times in the late Eighties, at a venue called Selinas, which was a bit of a rough place across the road from a Sydney beach. Interestingly, I understand that hotel is now more family oriented. Anyway, my cousins and I would go to a gig, and rather than go broke at the bar would go to the bottle shop and buy a few bottles of cider, then go and sit on the beach and drink, waiting until it was time for the band to come on. All that cider had an effect, and once we got into the auditorium, I had to go to the ladies. So I stood there with my legs plaited in the queue, wondering why only the first and third cubicles were being used. It turns out there was a couple having sex in the middle cubicle. Good Lord! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another time when I saw these guys, my cousin (my gig-date!) and I got stuck standing in front of a bunch of complete knob-heads. They decided to slam dance, and I nearly got knocked out of my shoes. My cousin was feeling unwell so I took her outside, but on the way past I gave this retard a huuuge shove, as payback for the shove he had dealt me earlier. I complained to the bouncers about them, but fuck-all happened. Recently I read about Dave Grohl telling off somebody who was mucking up in the mosh-pit, and thought, "Good for you, Dave."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, that's all for now. I guess I'm just feeling a bit whimsical about the times when I nearly got knocked from my shoes, and nearly wet my pants waiting for a couple of people to finish fornicating in the dunny. I may incorporate this into a future novel. It hasn't appeared in my other novels, but only because there was no suitable spot for them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>'Calumny while reading Irvine Welsh' - <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/calumny_while_reading_irvine_welsh.htm</a></p>
<p> </p>
<p>'Abernethy' - <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm">http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy.htm</a></p>Movie Lines that have infuriated metag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-07-18:523145:BlogPost:4545572011-07-18T11:29:35.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>Just thought I might write about some crap movie lines, or movie lines that have just made me want to throw my popcorn at the screen. This is bizarre; I don't like popcorn, so won't buy it. It's probably the popcorn of the poor spectator sitting next to me that I will seize and throw with force at the screen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>1. 'Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get' by the titular character of the nausea-inducing 'Forrest Gump'. Every box of chocolates I…</p>
<p>Just thought I might write about some crap movie lines, or movie lines that have just made me want to throw my popcorn at the screen. This is bizarre; I don't like popcorn, so won't buy it. It's probably the popcorn of the poor spectator sitting next to me that I will seize and throw with force at the screen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>1. 'Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get' by the titular character of the nausea-inducing 'Forrest Gump'. Every box of chocolates I have ever seen has a piece of paper inside the lid with a diagram of what each chocolate inside is, and how it is flavoured.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>2. 'You treated me like a prostitute', spoken by Vivien in 'Pretty Woman'. All I can say to this is, 'Gee, ya THINK?' And since when does a prostitute that works the streets look like Julia Roberts? They usually look as rough as a pig's breakfast; ink and needle marks, and a runny nose from being scantily clad in the wintry weather.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>3. 'Nobody puts Baby in the corner', spoken by Johnny in 'Dirty Dancing'. Uh, stewardess, can I have a barf bag, please?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, that's all for now. I'm heading off to watch a DVD for a while. My kids are going back to school tomorrow, so the days I'm not working, I will get back into my next novel. Check out my other two at Zeus Publications, <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com">http://www.zeus-publications.com</a>. They are 'Calumny while reading Irvine Welsh' (adult satire) and 'Abernethy' (young adult). You can read the first chapters and blurb. They are available as paperback, and as e-books. My two sons never stop eating, so I'm hoping like crazy the books will sell!</p>The Way We Read Nowadaystag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-07-07:523145:BlogPost:4498142011-07-07T04:33:58.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>I'm an old-fashioned type of gal. I like to read a book the physical way. I love the feel of a book between my hands, and the smell of the pages when it's brand new. A bit like the way people go wondrous over the smell of a new car. I probably won't read an e-book. But I have just signed a contract with my publishers Zeus Publications for my two novels to be published in e-book form, as well as the old fashioned way they are already available. There's definitely a market for it, ie,…</p>
<p>I'm an old-fashioned type of gal. I like to read a book the physical way. I love the feel of a book between my hands, and the smell of the pages when it's brand new. A bit like the way people go wondrous over the smell of a new car. I probably won't read an e-book. But I have just signed a contract with my publishers Zeus Publications for my two novels to be published in e-book form, as well as the old fashioned way they are already available. There's definitely a market for it, ie, travellers. Also, it occurs to me that people with spinal injury and therefore limited movement in their hands could benefit from this format. I do a bit of community care work to pay the bills, and I have been learning a little about disabled care. THere's a guy who works for the company I work for, and he has a quadriplegic client for whom he does some personal care, and takes our for social support. I'd be interested to know if he is a 'reader' and whether he does it online or via his I-pod. There's a woman in my book club who has the audio version because she likes to knit, and she therefore indulges both her passions simultaneously. Anyway, I don't care if people like e-books, physical books, audio books, or having someone sing the book as an opera to them; if it means buying a copy of MY books, then please go right ahead!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm enjoying the paid work I do, which is just as well. For a writer it's great to meet such an interesting lot of people. They are not a cross-section of the community, but they are all very different in their own way. One old gentleman whose medication and meals I prepare, when I asked him had he seen service (I noticed he had some 'military'-looking tattoos on his wrists), replied, 'Yeah, I was fighting them chow bastards in Korea.' Of course, I don't like 'racism', but he would make an interesting character in a story. So too would another old lady I have to occasionally deal with, with gritted teeth. If anyone's read 'Dolores Claibourne' by Stephen King, let's just say this woman is the Down Under version of Vera Donovan. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I've finished the first draft of my third novel, so I've put it aside while I start my fourth. I'll go back to it shortly; just want a fresh brain when I do. It's an adult satire, as is my first novel 'Calumny while reading Irvine Welsh', and my second is 'Abernethy', which is young adult. Read the first chapters online at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com">http://www.zeus-publications.com</a>. By all mean. I beg of you. </p>Trying to set a new trend in young adult fictiontag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-06-26:523145:BlogPost:4451142011-06-26T05:05:16.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>When I'm not working as an author, I do paid (!) work as a community care worker. This involves maybe showering an aged or disabled person, or taking somebody shopping, or preparing a meal. Sometimes I take them to another town for 'social support'. I did this on Thursday, drove a guy with a light mental disability to a nearby town to go shopping. I saw a major bookstore (you all know the one, it's had administrators close in) where I had done a book signing some months ago, so I thought…</p>
<p>When I'm not working as an author, I do paid (!) work as a community care worker. This involves maybe showering an aged or disabled person, or taking somebody shopping, or preparing a meal. Sometimes I take them to another town for 'social support'. I did this on Thursday, drove a guy with a light mental disability to a nearby town to go shopping. I saw a major bookstore (you all know the one, it's had administrators close in) where I had done a book signing some months ago, so I thought I'd check the Young Adult section and see if any copies of my novel 'Abernethy' remained on the shelf. No, couldn't see any. This could be good (all copies sold), or it could be bad (copies sent back to Zeus Publications as per consignment agreement). But there was an overwhelming trend in the Young Adult, and that was vampires. Vampires as far as the eye could see. Teenaged vampires. Horny, going-the-grope at the school dance type vampires. Vampires who get their periods (huh?). Vampires who get pimples. Hell, even vampires who probably think it's funny to fart in a paper cup and then hand it to somebody. I despair of it all. Vampires (as well as being seriously scary fuckers) are SO PASSE, people. I'm trying to make the new trend in young adult fiction a talking beagle who once worked as a witch's familiar, and can therefore communicate with certain people, certain people being a lonely fourteen-year-old boy whose father is in gaol. 'Abernethy' is the name of the dog, and if you're curious, check out the first chapter and blurb at the publisher's website, <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com">http://www.zeus-publications.com</a>. If anyone's interested in purchasing the book, but baulks at the freight cost (Oh, crap! The heavy hint I just dropped landed on my foot), my books will shortly be converted to PDF, and available as e-books.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, that's all for now. Must continue with the housework.</p>Oh, what a crappy weekend!tag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-06-20:523145:BlogPost:4424582011-06-20T03:39:42.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>It's been an interesting couple of weeks. I've finished the first draft of my current novel, and before I start a rewrite, I've decided on a project for my next novel. This is all good. What is not good is that my past few days have been motifed with dog faeces. Yep, you read right. Dog poop everywhere. I babysat my mother-in-law's shitzu/maltese terrier, whilst she and my husband attended a function in way-out-west New South Wales. I took it outside several times, and it did its…</p>
<p>It's been an interesting couple of weeks. I've finished the first draft of my current novel, and before I start a rewrite, I've decided on a project for my next novel. This is all good. What is not good is that my past few days have been motifed with dog faeces. Yep, you read right. Dog poop everywhere. I babysat my mother-in-law's shitzu/maltese terrier, whilst she and my husband attended a function in way-out-west New South Wales. I took it outside several times, and it did its tinkle. It also pooped outside. Anyway, I had to drive my kids to another town yesterday to buy school shoes (the shop I like is 90kms away). When I got back, I had to collect the hound and take her to my MIL. Well, the rotten thing had pooped and piddled on my laundry floor, having had total disregard for the newspaper I spread out. Grrrrrrrr! And last night when I was putting clean sheets on my ten-year-old's bed, what did I find, but another turd! I thought it was over, and I could get on with my life. When I got into my car this morning, my nostrils quivered. I had stepped in yet another barker's egg.</p>
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<p>Yes, it's been a somewhat crappy weekend, but I hope it's not a harbinger of things to come.</p>
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<p>What I am excited about is that I've just signed a contract with my publishers to have my novels 'Calumny while reding Irvine Welsh' and 'Abernethy' converted to PDF format, for ebook lovers. Watch this space, and you will be kept informed. In the meantime, you can read the blurb and first chapters at the publisher's website: <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com">http://www.zeus-publications.com</a>. 'Calumny etc' is adult satire about a young woman who gets arrested for a crime she may or may not have committed, and 'Abernethy' is young adult (but oldies have been enjoying it, too) about a 14 year old who meets a beagle with whom he can communicate.</p>Golly, what a silly Pollietag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-06-01:523145:BlogPost:4335242011-06-01T12:22:34.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>I don't know what it's like for you guys in the US, but Australia has seriously been cursed with some childish politicians. Today at a pow wow in the senate, one of our ministers Penny Wong stood her ground about something or other when, I'm not kidding, one of the opposing side made a sound like a cat meowing. To her credit, she said something along the lines of, 'That's great, mate. Reverting to school yard politics.' I won't say the name of this due, but it starts with B, so I'll call…</p>
<p>I don't know what it's like for you guys in the US, but Australia has seriously been cursed with some childish politicians. Today at a pow wow in the senate, one of our ministers Penny Wong stood her ground about something or other when, I'm not kidding, one of the opposing side made a sound like a cat meowing. To her credit, she said something along the lines of, 'That's great, mate. Reverting to school yard politics.' I won't say the name of this due, but it starts with B, so I'll call him. He apologised, and said he likes cats. Please don't piss down my leg and tell me it's raining. I guess politicians world-wide do that. He was trying to be offensive. And he was. At least he didn't accuse her of being pre-menstrual. At least he didn't say anything about her sexuality (Minister Wong is openly gay). I get so sick of seeing grown people carry on like a bunch of bratty kids in the sandbox. Maybe some of these clowns could take a bucket and spade set, along with a Tonka truck to play with next time Parliament is sitting. If my kids act like that, I tell them off. Maybe B's mother didn't tell him off enough, or kick his butt hard enough.</p>
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<p>Tomorrow, I'm not rostered on to work so I'm hoping, wishing, and fingers crossed, that I'll get the manuscript of my third novel finished - I'm on the first draft. Exciting stuff. Well, to you guys it's probably: So What? We've All Been There; Done That. To me, it's Exciting Stuff.</p>Hopefully Good Books vs Horrible Songstag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-05-26:523145:BlogPost:4321142011-05-26T11:26:19.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>It's been a while since I've written here. I've been doing work away from my writer's desk (hey, I have to eat). That work is as a community carer, mainly for the elderly. Very rewarding, but I'm waiting for the day I can say I'm a famous writer. I've had alot of hours this week, but I've been making sure I'm getting some writing in. I'm almost on the final chapter of my third novel, so it's all very, very thrilling (well, to me, anyway). Then the fun starts: editing the thing. I'm…</p>
<p>It's been a while since I've written here. I've been doing work away from my writer's desk (hey, I have to eat). That work is as a community carer, mainly for the elderly. Very rewarding, but I'm waiting for the day I can say I'm a famous writer. I've had alot of hours this week, but I've been making sure I'm getting some writing in. I'm almost on the final chapter of my third novel, so it's all very, very thrilling (well, to me, anyway). Then the fun starts: editing the thing. I'm still trying to get copies of my other two novels sold. 'Calumny while reading Irvine Welsh' is adult satire (come on, I'm trying to be intellectual here; using the name of a prolific Scottish author in my book title), and 'Abernethy' is young adult. 'Abernethy' is about a fourteen year old boy who meets a beagle who can communicate with him. The dog used to be a witch's familiar, hence the power of speech. There's no witchcraft in the book. I just needed a feasible excuse for the dog to speak. They're available through Zeus Publications, at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com">http://www.zeus-publications.com</a>. Of course they can be obtained through all good bookstores. Hell, even a few crap book stores as well. But if you go online, you can read the blurb and first chapters.</p>
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<p>When not writing, I read and listen to music. If there's one thing I detest, it's a crap remake of what was once a good song. Someone brought to my attention a beauty (in the sarcastic sense) the other day. It's a remake of 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart'. Most people probably know the sweet, goofy, aw-shucks original. This remake came direct from Satan's recording studio. I won't say who sang (hah!) it, although Google and You Tube will help you solve the mystery. There is a reason rappers don't sing; particularly in this instance. The reason is because THIS DUDE DIDN'T HAVE A NOTE IN HIS HEAD! The female half of the duo sounded like she had a throatful of phlegm. At one stage, the guy sounded like he was calling the hogs, or giving out the mating call of a large, horned beast. Seriously, I'm surprised an elk or a moose or a buffalo didn't escape from the zoo and crash the studio, annihilate the engineer's desk and force its way into the booth, and commence to roger the guts out of the both of them. I'm sure the sounds then would have been preferable to the ear-screwing remake of what was once an enjoyable song. No, you guys didn't go breaking my heart, but you sure did a fine and jim-dandy job of massacring my ear drums. I'm warning you, gentle reader, don't listen to this song. I can't sing a note, either, but at least I don't go inflicting my godawful singing on other people.</p>Channelling my inner Atticus Finchtag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-05-07:523145:BlogPost:4280292011-05-07T11:13:53.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>Does anyone have a favourite ever literary character? Just the other day I got to act like one of mine, the veritable Atticus Finch. What a character. I have an extensive legal background, and I know guys whose decision to become lawyers was formed after reading 'To Kill A Mockingbird'. Anyway, when I'm not writing, I work as a carer, mainly for the elderly. Bit different from law, but certainly rewarding. This is until I make it big as a best-selling author, heh-heh! There's a lady I…</p>
<p>Does anyone have a favourite ever literary character? Just the other day I got to act like one of mine, the veritable Atticus Finch. What a character. I have an extensive legal background, and I know guys whose decision to become lawyers was formed after reading 'To Kill A Mockingbird'. Anyway, when I'm not writing, I work as a carer, mainly for the elderly. Bit different from law, but certainly rewarding. This is until I make it big as a best-selling author, heh-heh! There's a lady I assist who's had a stroke, and gets about with a walking frame. She's in her early seventies, but the stroke makes her appear (to me) older. It's affected her mood, and she also has a nasty ulcerated sore on her leg. Being a bit on the hefty side also does not help her mobility. Anyway, last week I went to her house and did some domestic stuff for her. I had to go, and told her I'd be back later to assist with bringing in and folding her towels. All good. Anyway, I got back there that afternoon, and she answered the door, her eyes red-rimmed and feral. Leathery black wings burst from her back. 'I'm disappointed,' she said querulously. 'Uh, why?' said I. She pointed to the floor of the foyer of her house, and snapped, 'Look!' I found myself eyeing off a lone blade of grass. No, I'm not kidding. I felt like snapping back, 'Oh damn, now the world's going to end! Where's Hugh Jackman, so I can do him? That's at the top of my bucket list!' Then she told me I had left droplets on her shower screen. WTF? I went to the ensuite, and yeah, there were droplets - because she'd HAD A FUCKING SHOWER!! AArrrgghhh! Clearly the pain in her leg had addled her mind, and she had forgotten she had had a shower. I wondered whether to point this out, or just not poke the bear. So I brought in her linen from the clothesline, and was readying myself to go, and she started on at me again, because I had forgotten to take out her rubbish earlier. As far as I am aware, this is not an offence punishable by a term of imprisonment, but she was quite cranky with me to say the least. 'I can't believe a woman would walk around and not take out the garbage!' she squawked at me. I was wondering whether to tell her to defile herself, or just crack up laughing.</p>
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<p>And then she was on at me about my washing up from earlier, said I hadn't done a good job. I pointed out that I had washed up as a favour, and I dont HAVE to do it. She snapped, 'Your six year old son would have done a better job!' Well, that was it. I snatched up her precious bloody garbage that I had forgotten to put out, and said, 'Mrs XXXX, I have to go and pick up my children. If you want to abuse me you can do it next time I'm here, no actually, you can't!' With that I stormed out, and shoved her bloody rubbish in the bin, slamming the lid. </p>
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<p>I drove home, shaking my head, and met my children from the school bus. Now, you're wondering where Atticus Finch comes into all this, stay with me. Because I had been abused, I rang the office and spoke to my supervisor about it (carers have to report abuse). My ten year old overheard me. He came up to me and said, 'Mum, you should tell that old lady you're helping her and she should be grateful. She sounds really nasty.' So, I sat him down and said, 'Darling, this is a sick old lady, and because she's sick, she sometimes doesn't know what she's doing. The sickness makes her act strangely sometimes, and Mummy just happened to be the one who copped it today.' I felt like Atticus Finch explaining to his children how they are to cope with Mrs Dubois.</p>
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<p>Anyway, I'm told the old girl apparently feels terrible about the way she acted, and she's in hospital. That's a good thing, maybe some antibiotics and painkillers will help her. Believe it or not, I not only care for her, I care ABOUT her. Maybe it's a sign of maturity. Normally I would be plotting some peurile revenge, but not now.</p>Whaddya gotta do to publicise a book these days?tag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-04-16:523145:BlogPost:4226862011-04-16T13:07:26.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>Because I'm not yet the rich and famous writer I want to be, I have to do some paid work outside the home. That paid work, dear blog browser, is as a community carer. Anyway, I thought one of my clients (an 87 year old woman to whom I give social support) might be interested to see my books. She's an amazing lady - well spoken, all her faculties etc. Anyway, she said she would be very interested in reading 'Abernethy', so I will order it from the publishers on Monday for her (she won't…</p>
<p>Because I'm not yet the rich and famous writer I want to be, I have to do some paid work outside the home. That paid work, dear blog browser, is as a community carer. Anyway, I thought one of my clients (an 87 year old woman to whom I give social support) might be interested to see my books. She's an amazing lady - well spoken, all her faculties etc. Anyway, she said she would be very interested in reading 'Abernethy', so I will order it from the publishers on Monday for her (she won't be able to get to a book store and buy it, really). So I made a sale - yahoo. Now if only I could make enough sales to pay off my house. (I'm such a dreamer). I hope she enjoys the book. Like I said, she's good value, but oh man - she smokes like a hyperactive chimney. I am an ardent non-smoker, and I finish doing her support with blocked sinuses. And I somehow doubt that, at 87, this woman is going to kick the habit!</p>
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<p>I explained to her the publishers are up in Queensland, but I can order the book from them. So too can you lot (that thud you heard was the hint I just dropped). The publishers are Zeus Publications, and their site is <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com">http://www.zeus-publications.com</a>. My books are 'Abernethy', and 'Calumny while reading Irvine Welsh'. Go to their website and read the blurb and first chapters of each.</p>
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<p>I've spent two hours writing tonight - I feel so virtuous. Now I'm going to climb into bed and read some nice light chick lit. It's less taxing on the brain than trying to think of other ways to promote my book. Hijacking a billboard might be one way. Or else streaking at a public sporting event with a copy of the book held tightly against my groin might be another.</p>Crabs & Churlstag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-04-12:523145:BlogPost:4220792011-04-12T11:38:16.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>Let's hear it for the little guy! Yesterday I received news that the fine against which I appealed was downgraded to a caution. Here's one in the eye for you, you miserable rats from the Highway Patrol. Yep, they issued with me a fine after telling lme I had gone through a YELLOW light when I still had plenty of time to stop (I was turning a corner). One of them said I applied my brakes when turning. Well, yeah, I didn't want to take the corner like a hooligan, that's why. The crab who…</p>
<p>Let's hear it for the little guy! Yesterday I received news that the fine against which I appealed was downgraded to a caution. Here's one in the eye for you, you miserable rats from the Highway Patrol. Yep, they issued with me a fine after telling lme I had gone through a YELLOW light when I still had plenty of time to stop (I was turning a corner). One of them said I applied my brakes when turning. Well, yeah, I didn't want to take the corner like a hooligan, that's why. The crab who issued me my ticket said, 'You can take it to court if you like, but we've got you on tape.' I felt like responding, 'Oh yeah? Well, I've got footage of your mother with the family dog on tape.' I didn't. Discretion is the better part of valour, and all that. Having worked in the legal industry for most of my adult life, and having family members and friends who are lawyers, I felt like telling him I had lawyers coming out the wazoo, so to shove that up his arse. I appealed against my penalty and fine, and instead I've been 'cautioned' and I don't have to pay $344.00. This feels mighty good.</p>
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<p>Tonight, I was watching a film clip of the Sweet. I called my six year old over and explained this was Mummy's favourite band when she was a little girl. He watched for a while, and said, 'Mum, Justin Beiber just sucks. That song of his is so stupid.' Now, I don't want my son to turn into a churl, so I said, 'He's very talented, can sing, and worked to get where he is, so we must respect that, even if that song does make my ears want to jump off the side of my head.' I guess I want to him to respect other people's talent and not just knock people. I think Mariah Carey is a fantastically talented singer, but I just done like the material she does. Still, she sings better than I ever will, that's for sure!</p>I think my book's offended someone!tag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-04-09:523145:BlogPost:4218742011-04-09T11:49:15.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>You know, I think my first novel just may have offended someone (who has not read it). It's called 'Calumny whlie reading Irvine Welsh' and I was attending a function at my local library last week, and I found 'Calumny....' on a shelf in Young Adult. My other novel, 'Abernethy' is Young Adult, and therefore in the right spot, but the librarian assumed the first one fell into that category as well. I removed it, took the young fledgling librarian aside, and explained that this first novel…</p>
<p>You know, I think my first novel just may have offended someone (who has not read it). It's called 'Calumny whlie reading Irvine Welsh' and I was attending a function at my local library last week, and I found 'Calumny....' on a shelf in Young Adult. My other novel, 'Abernethy' is Young Adult, and therefore in the right spot, but the librarian assumed the first one fell into that category as well. I removed it, took the young fledgling librarian aside, and explained that this first novel has four instances of the dreaded 'C-Word', a sex scene (somewhat prosaic, but there's a condom and all, so at least it's responsible), and one of the characters likes to smoke bongs. After I had sorted out the librarian, I laughingly mentioned this to a couple of other guests at the function. One woman said, 'Then it shouldn't be here!' She moved away before I got the chance to have her clarify her comment, ie, did she mean it should not be in young adult, or it should not be in this hallowed library in the first place. This woman is deeply religious. She is very nice, and a local nurse. She was the 'helper' when my oldest son did his Sacraments of Initiation - Confession, Communion, Confirmation. Yes, your blogger is 'of the faith' (typed in an Irish brogue). Your blogger is a bit of a lapsed Catholic, but is having her children go through the Sacraments. This is commonly referred to as Covering Your Arse. Now, I like this woman. She is kind, and was fantastic with the children during the sacraments program. She'd apply stories of her own experiences as a nurse in the outback when explaining the theory behind the Holy Spirit. She worked for the Royal Flying Doctor Service (in Australia we have doctors who have qualified as pilots who fly to outback properties in medically equipped aeroplanes - they helped my sister-in-law when a rogue softdrink bottle exploded and sent fragments into her eye, but that's another story). But, to my knowledge, she is not a writer. I complained to my husband, and he pointed out she is entitled to her opinion. This is true. But I resent being told my book should not be in the library, if that was indeed her meaning, and given her great faith, I think that's what she meant. I recalled an instance where she met me in the street, during the sacraments program, and cried, 'Oh, I was wanting to ring you but couldn't remember your name, so I prayed to St Anthony, and now here you are!' That day at the library, I felt like saying, 'Who are you to dump shit on my book? You haven't read it, and you have imaginary friends!' Actually, St Anthony no doubt existed. I've never prayed to him when I can't find something. I usually yell at my kids to go and look, because it's usually their item that's gone missing. But if she's so incensed by my first book (notwithstanding she's most likely not even read the blurb yet), I'm wondering will she go around town criticising and petitioning the library for its removal. This can be a pretty good thing; there's no such thing as bad publicity. I'll have to start going to church more often and tell her about it after Mass, so she can start the campaign! (heh-heh!)</p>
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<p>My books are published via Zeus Publications at <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com">http://www.zeus-publications.com</a>. 'Calumny...' was influenced a little by 'The Bonfire of the Vanities' in that my protagonist's life becomes a media circus, and 'Abernethy' is about a fourteen year old who meets a beagle that, by virtue of having worked as a witch's familiar, can talk to him. The dog becomes a Jiminy Cricket type figure. She'd probably complain about the supernatural themes, too. And with no hint of irony, the saints to whom she prays are after all supernatural beings, too.</p>Dad's hindering the royalty!tag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-03-30:523145:BlogPost:4198432011-03-30T04:39:04.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>If it wasn't for my dad, I wouldn't be here. Think about it. Some forty-six years ago I lept from one of his testicles and swam like crazy to fertilise my mother's egg, and from simple biology classes you know the rest. He worked hard to see that myself, along with my three siblings and mother were clothed, sheltered, and fed. He's a quiet, taciturn type from whom I've inherited my relatively tall stature, and love of reading and cryptic crosswords. But I do wish to the universal powers…</p>
<p>If it wasn't for my dad, I wouldn't be here. Think about it. Some forty-six years ago I lept from one of his testicles and swam like crazy to fertilise my mother's egg, and from simple biology classes you know the rest. He worked hard to see that myself, along with my three siblings and mother were clothed, sheltered, and fed. He's a quiet, taciturn type from whom I've inherited my relatively tall stature, and love of reading and cryptic crosswords. But I do wish to the universal powers that he would STOP lending my latest novel to people and tell them to buy the bloody thing! I saw someone today who told me she is reading it. My mental calculator clocked up another royalty, and then she said, 'Your father lent me his copy.' He has lent it out before, and I have to speak to him. The woman went on to say, 'He's so proud of you.' Aaaawww, that's worth at least one royalty!</p>
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<p>'Abernethy' by Simone Bailey, Zeus Publications, <a href="http://www.zeus-publications">http://www.zeus-publications</a> (young adult).</p>
<p>'Calumny while reading Irvine Welsh' by Simone Bailey, Zeus Publications (as above) (adult sature).</p>
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<p>First chapters and blurbs can be read online. </p>
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<p>Dad, I love ya, but stop what you're doing and get people to buy the frickin' thing, okay?</p>Explaining Australian Colloquialisms for the Sex Act....tag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-03-20:523145:BlogPost:4161162011-03-20T09:57:00.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
<p>Well, the local library has been re-opened following extensive renovation. I had a quick call in the other day, and took them a gift of a potted gerbera plant, and a card because they have been intregral with the launches of my novels. I checked out the Young Adult shelf and found my novel 'Abernethy' there, and smiled a twee smile. This novel is about a 14 year old boy who meets a beagle who, by virtue of having worked as a witch's familiar, can communicate with him. The beagle becomes…</p>
<p>Well, the local library has been re-opened following extensive renovation. I had a quick call in the other day, and took them a gift of a potted gerbera plant, and a card because they have been intregral with the launches of my novels. I checked out the Young Adult shelf and found my novel 'Abernethy' there, and smiled a twee smile. This novel is about a 14 year old boy who meets a beagle who, by virtue of having worked as a witch's familiar, can communicate with him. The beagle becomes a Jiminy Cricket type figure for the boy and helps him cope with his father's incarceration, and the bullying at his new school. It's not a witchcraft-and-wizards type thing. I just made 'Abernethy' a former witch's familiar as a feasible plot device to explain his power of speech. Just beside 'Abernethy' was my other novel, 'Calumny while reading Irvine Welsh'. Now this was a gross misfiling. I took it from the shelf and said discreetly to the staff member, a young lass I hadn't seen before, no doubt a fledgling, 'This is not a young adult novel. It has the C-word in it.' She exclaimed and took it to the front desk for re-cataloguing, and I couldn't help but feel a frisson of smugness as I saw her checking out the author photo on the back of the book, and then looking back at me. Well, you guys would all know a little recognition feels might fine, doesn't it? Oh, I know J D Salinger had cred, but cred won't get my bills paid and my children fed. 'Calumny...' is adult satire about a young woman whose life becomes an absolute media circus and shmozzle when she is arrested for a crime she may or may not have committed. I was interested in how her apathetic family would cope, rather than writing a courtroom potboiler. I have an extensive legal background, which came in very handy when writing it. As well as the C-word (which only appears four times by my count), there is a character who smokes bongs all the time, a peripheral lawyer character who does more cocaine than his clients, and a sex scene. The sex scene is very prosaic, but it's a root nonethless, and include the removal of a condom. Root, by the way, is an Australian colloquialism for the sex act.</p>
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<p>So I went there again today, my two young sons and the ten year old boy from up the road in tow. They 'wow-ed' when they saw Mum's book on the shelf. Theyalso played on the Wii the new library has installed. They played some dance game and all looked like little Napoleon Dynamites. They danced to 'Pump Up The Jam', some techno-funk number I used to dance to in gay bars in Sydney. I looked around, half expecting to see buff, good looking guys in white singlets passing around jars of amyl nitrate, but there was none of that in my local library, an institution of good repute!</p>
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<p>The first chapters of my books can be read online at the publishers, if anyone is interested. It's Zeus Publications, <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com">http://www.zeus-publications.com</a>. They can also be purchased there. The thud you heard was the hint I just dropped.</p>Next time, Dad, don't lend my book; tell the people to BUY a copy!tag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-03-16:523145:BlogPost:4144572011-03-16T10:23:28.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
Gotta wonder at times. Tonight my father said to me that a woman, I'll call her 'Sally' (after all, it is her name) told him to congratulate me on 'Abernethy' (Zeus Publications, <a href="http://www.zeus-publications">http://www.zeus-publications</a>). She read it and enjoyed it. I was preening, and thinking about my bills as I said, 'Did she buy a copy? That's great!'. The man who sired me and passed on my tallness, the way-I-tilt-my-head gesture, and the ability to solve cryptic crosswords…
Gotta wonder at times. Tonight my father said to me that a woman, I'll call her 'Sally' (after all, it is her name) told him to congratulate me on 'Abernethy' (Zeus Publications, <a href="http://www.zeus-publications">http://www.zeus-publications</a>). She read it and enjoyed it. I was preening, and thinking about my bills as I said, 'Did she buy a copy? That's great!'. The man who sired me and passed on my tallness, the way-I-tilt-my-head gesture, and the ability to solve cryptic crosswords sheepishly said, 'Uh, no. I lent her my copy.' Gee, thanks Dad. Next time tell her to buy one, okay? She told hlm one could tell from the narrative that I grew up in the bush. This, dear reader, is a load of hooey. Yes, I grew up in rural New South Wales. I do not believe for five minutes this is apparent in the narrative of 'Abernethy', and although set in a smallish town, it is not a 'bush' story. I'm issuing a challenge. Read the book, and then tell me if it's apparent the author is a country girl. Yes, yes, I know reading the book might entail actually BUYING it, but as I get more and more bills, I do not necessarily consider this to be a bad thing (not from my perspective, at least). One good thing, this woman is a local teacher and asked my father to ask me would I consider going and speaking to the students. Well, I would be delighted to. And I might just take along a few business cards with the details of my books printed on them.<br />
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Copped a bill the other day, in the form of a traffic infringement notice issued by the local highway patrol, who reckon I shouldn't have turned when the light was yellow. I'm going to request leniency; I was unaware I was doing wrong (I know it's actually not a legal defence) and was not driving unsafely. Seriously, when I pulled into the shopping centre car park and discovered I'd been followed by a pigmobile I thought there must have been a defect with my vehicle. I could not imagine what I had done wrong. Well, I soon found out. I did not succumb to my inner smart-arse and ask, 'So, did you mother have fun when she coupled with Satan?'. This is most likely a good thing; it would not have been politic.I wonder, and Ah Have Sinned!tag:thebookmarketingnetwork.com,2011-03-13:523145:BlogPost:4144142011-03-13T07:18:24.000ZSimone Clare Baileyhttp://thebookmarketingnetwork.com/profile/SimoneClareBailey
There are things I occasionally wonder. Like: why do they always warn you to wear clean underpants when you leave the house, in case you get 'hit by a bus'. Hello! If I get hit by a bus, I really don't think my underpants are going to be all that pristine, if you get my drift.<br />
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I also wonder why some fire and brimstone preachers blame natural disasters on the country's populace having displeased God. Gee, whilst no geophysicist, I would have thought tectonic plates have more to do with…
There are things I occasionally wonder. Like: why do they always warn you to wear clean underpants when you leave the house, in case you get 'hit by a bus'. Hello! If I get hit by a bus, I really don't think my underpants are going to be all that pristine, if you get my drift.<br />
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I also wonder why some fire and brimstone preachers blame natural disasters on the country's populace having displeased God. Gee, whilst no geophysicist, I would have thought tectonic plates have more to do with earthquakes and tsuanamis than that nation's residents' collective behaviour. These retards always point the finger, throw the lightning bolt and bible at anybody, and then when they're caught, start bawling like a teething infant: 'Ah have sinned against God-uh! Pleeeze forgive-uh me! Let us get kneebound and pray for the lord's forgiveness!' Never mind that most people see worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public. Sooner or later, these evangelical hypocrites are going to get caught, and there will be footage of them doing the rounds in which they can be seen (a) snorting cocaine from between the buttocks of a hooker; (b) engaging in aforementioned action, only whlst wearing a soiled nappy; (c) refer to (b) beforehand, only also with a pair of dirty underpants on their head; (d) swinging around on a rotary clothesline to which they have been harnessed, with a lit sparkler sticking their arse; (e) strutting around and crowing like a rooster, with rooster tail feathers sticking out their arse; (f) attempting auto-fellatio whilst porridge drips down their body from an upturned bowl on their head; (g) all of the above. Man, I am so going to laugh myself silly when I see that.<br />
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I wonder will my books become best sellers. Check them out on Zeus Publications, <a href="http://www.zeus-publications.com">http://www.zeus-publications.com</a>. THey are called 'Calumny while reading Irvine Welsh' (adult satire) and 'Abernethy' (young adult fiction). You can read the first chapters of each.