Simone Clare Bailey's Blog (65)

I don't know what it's like for you guys in the US, but Australia has seriously been cursed with some childish politicians.  Today at a pow wow in the senate, one of our ministers Penny Wong stood her ground about something or other when, I'm not kidding, one of the opposing side made a sound like a cat meowing.  To her credit, she said something along the lines of, 'That's great, mate.  Reverting to school yard politics.'  I won't say the name of this due, but it starts with B, so I'll call…

It's been a while since I've written here.  I've been doing work away from my writer's desk (hey, I have to eat).  That work is as a community carer, mainly for the elderly.  Very rewarding, but I'm waiting for the day I can say I'm a famous writer.  I've had alot of hours this week, but I've been making sure I'm getting some writing in.  I'm almost on the final chapter of my third novel, so it's all very, very thrilling (well, to me, anyway).  Then the fun starts: editing the thing.  I'm…

Does anyone have a favourite ever literary character?  Just the other day I got to act like one of mine, the veritable Atticus Finch.  What a character.  I have an extensive legal background, and I know guys whose decision to become lawyers was formed after reading 'To Kill A Mockingbird'.  Anyway, when I'm not writing, I work as a carer, mainly for the elderly.  Bit different from law, but certainly rewarding.  This is until I make it big as a best-selling author, heh-heh!  There's a lady I…

Because I'm not yet the rich and famous writer I want to be, I have to do some paid work outside the home.  That paid work, dear blog browser, is as a community carer.  Anyway, I thought one of my clients (an 87 year old woman to whom I give social support) might be interested to see my books.  She's an amazing lady - well spoken, all her faculties etc.  Anyway, she said she would be very interested in reading 'Abernethy', so I will order it from the publishers on Monday for her (she won't…

Let's hear it for the little guy!  Yesterday I received news that the fine against which I appealed was downgraded to a caution.  Here's one in the eye for you, you miserable rats from the Highway Patrol.  Yep, they issued with me a fine after telling lme I had gone through a YELLOW light when I still had plenty of time to stop (I was turning a corner).  One of them said I applied my brakes when turning.  Well, yeah, I didn't want to take the corner like a hooligan, that's why.  The crab who…

You know, I think my first novel just may have offended someone (who has not read it).  It's called 'Calumny whlie reading Irvine Welsh' and I was attending a function at my local library last week, and I found 'Calumny....' on a shelf in Young Adult.  My other novel, 'Abernethy' is Young Adult, and therefore in the right spot, but the librarian assumed the first one fell into that category as well.  I removed it, took the young fledgling librarian aside, and explained that this first novel…

If it wasn't for my dad, I wouldn't be here.  Think about it.  Some forty-six years ago I lept from one of his testicles and swam like crazy to fertilise my mother's egg, and from simple biology classes you know the rest.  He worked hard to see that myself, along with my three siblings and mother were clothed, sheltered, and fed.  He's a quiet, taciturn type from whom I've inherited my relatively tall stature, and love of reading and cryptic crosswords.  But I do wish to the universal powers…

Well, the local library has been re-opened following extensive renovation.  I had a quick call in the other day, and took them a gift of a potted gerbera plant, and a card because they have been intregral with the launches of my novels.  I checked out the Young Adult shelf and found my novel 'Abernethy' there, and smiled a twee smile.  This novel is about a 14 year old boy who meets a beagle who, by virtue of having worked as a witch's familiar, can communicate with him.  The beagle becomes…

In Australia we occasionally have pests.  Yes, I know we have flies by the dozen on a hot day.  I'm talking more your household pest.  It's the dreaded telemarketer.  Do you have these in the States?  These rancid types telephone you uninvited to sell you something you neither want nor need (hey, if I wanted a new mobile telephone plan, I would SEEK ONE OUT MYSELF, okay?).  These people are merely Satan's effluvium.  Do you know why?  Because one rang whilst I was trying to write yesterday! …

I'm going to refer to my previous blog post in which I provide some evidence to back up my theory that people are getting sillier by the day.  If you didn't read it, it's about a Queensland pre-school that wants to change the lyrics to 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' to 'Rainbow Sheep'.  Baa Humbug.  It got me thinking about a song that's just been released in Australia called 'Just the way you are (Drunk at the Bar)' by an Irish singer called Brian McFadden.  He was in some boy band, and I don't know…

Every now and then I hear something that lends credence to my long held theory that people get sillier every day.  Today I heard that a childcare centre in Queensland is banning the nursery rhyme 'Baa Baa Black Sheep', or else singing 'Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep'.  Dunno about anyone reading this, but I have never seen a rainbow coloured sheep.    The closest I've seen to such a beast would be in a trip to Inida many years ago and there was a donkey painted with coloured polka dots.  Black is a…

I don't know about you guys, but do you sometimes feel like the world's biggest twerp when you're doing appearances at book stores? By this I mean, do you just sit there smiling pleasantly, as people pass you by and you're feeling like a wallflower at the school dance?  I was in a book store today, plugging copies of my latest novel.  I had to sit and smile nicely as people went by, and it took me back to my days in high school, waiting for someone to ask me to dance.  In my mind, I was…

Today is my birthday.  To quote Samantha from 'Sex and the City': 'I'm forty-fucking-five!'.  What would l like for my birthday?  World peace?  Well, that's a no brainer, we all want that.  Maybe I'd like my twenty-six year old body back.  That's not realistic, but I did a work-out at the gym today.  I have a school reunion coming up this year, and like many people I guess, I want to look my best.  I have this fantasy that my old school chums ('chums', hah!  I'm definitely sounding old!)…

My kids have both returned to school, now that the summer school holidays are over (I'm in Australia) , so I must tackle my third novel again.  I'll have to do some today because I won't have a chance tomorrow because I'm working -paid work, not writing! 

One of my FB friends has added me to a group that is dedicated to The Rockin' 80s.  I said he could add me because I thought it might be fun, but here's the rub: I SO HATED THE EIGHTIES!  The best moment for me was 11.59pm…

Is it just me, or is the sight of a five-year-old crying in distress as her eyebrows are being waxed for a junior beauty pageant downright offensive?  Does a five-year-old even have her allotted quota of eyebrow hair?  And the woman who birthed her (I'm loathe to use the word 'mother') defends this hideous action by saying, 'They called BEAUTY pagents'.  For God's sake, woman, if you must have an accessory with frosted highlights, false eyelashes, and a spray tan; buy a freaking Barbie…

I just tried to send the piece I did about bad dinner party guests to my Facebook page, and nothing happened.  It might have been the script it's in (it's copied from a Word document).  I got it onto Twitter okay.  I'm not going to re-type the whole article, I'm just going to suggest below a couple of crap dinner party guests, and sent it to FB.  If you've read my last article about bad dinner party guests, no need to read this one, unless you want to.  And I'd be most flattered if you…

You’re finally doing it; you’re having a formal dinner party.  The scene is set.  The table is set.  The antique silverware you inherited from your grandmother is gleaming.  The bread rolls are in their wicker basket that has been…

For reasons upon which I decline to elaborate, one of my FB friends has posted the song 'Purple People Eater'.  I didn't listen to all of it.  I do recall the lyrics that he came to to Earth and 'he lit in a tree'.  My older brother used to sing, 'he shit in a tree'.  Me, being an impressionable little cherub at the times (as opposed to the cynical old shit I have become) thought those were the actual lyrics.  Oh blimey, now I'm feeling five years old again, all long braids.  Enough of the…