Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed by Lance Carbuncle

In a time when people see through their ears and think with their emotions, a view through the fractured looking glass is all the more welcome. Carbuncle delivers in high Tsunami form as he stomps, swaggers, and sways into the limelight with the bitches in tow and the balls of a sumo sailor. And how he does this with the absolute simplicity of a true master is achieved by the simplest and most expedient of means: humor. When we meet the main character we are mildly impressed by his seemly unimpressiveness. Meeting his favorite friend, a hound dog who is more than just another idiot, we find that this dog IS in fact, maybe not another, but indeed an Idjit. It is the unwavering love of and longing for this true friend that drives the tale north and south across the Mason Dixon line as the lead character goes on a frantic chase to recover his dog who inevitably becomes lost on an unheralded move south.

Never mind all that noise, along the way we meet a cast of zany troglodyte warriors as they peel out from the woodwork of terror islands yet uncharted bringing us cross-eyed yellow tooth loose and not so lovely waitresses, taxidermy enhanced used-to- could-be daddies, genius type bluesmen running from the devil, postulations profound on why oh why do babies clothes have pockets, skunk apes, and two swamp jungle ensconced brothers who give us to know why we stay close to circumscribed city limits. If you have not yet read this book, thought about reading this book, allowed into conscious thought an imperative shout to read this book, you are indeed more pathetic than you look with all due generosity. No other book exists on this planet or galaxies beyond that will so readily drop kick your butt into overdrive and send your brain on a wild bounce back trip to psychotic wonderlands as enlightening, return trip paid in full by the entry fee cleverly disguised as book purchase. Repeat after me: I will, I will, I will, buy this book NOW.

Publisher:

Virtualbookworm.com

About the Author:

Carbuncle is another day older and closer to death Carbuncle is the author of Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed. Carbuncle’s stories are channeled through a pathetic little man who has to work a respectable job during the days in order to feed the infestation of children in his house. Carbuncle is not your uncle even if you want him to be; get over it!

Review by C.B. Smith, author of Still Life with Psychotic Squirrel and Diary of a Teenage Faërie Princess.