Writing Letters to eBay

O.k., I'll admit it. I didn't set out to write a book. It just kind of, well, fell into my laptop, so to speak. During the summer of 2005, in my quest for some good natured laughs in the name of tomfoolery I sent off some inane questions to my brother-in-law about his dust-collecting items he was auctioning off on eBay. He got a big kick out of reading them and e-mailed me back to say I should find other eBay auctions and do the same, to see what reactions I could get. So I quickly trolled eBay and found a listing for a Copper Metal Wire Flower Arranging Bird Cage that stated it was "Worry Free!" at the bottom of the description. My friends and I are keen on using the term "farkas" to mean someone who is a big goof-ball, sort of a nerd type. So I created a character named Art Farkas who just so happens to suffer greatly from worrying about whether sippy cups are really safe, the GNP of Hungary, and the number 72. In the name of Art Farkas I asked if his Copper Metal Wire Flower Arranging Bird Cage could really help cure my condition of worrying and help me become "Worry Free!" like his description promised. I received a reply the next day with the assessment that the "Worry Free!" description was merely a reflection of the "ready-to-use nature of the cage" and that it, sadly, would not cure my condition. Cha-ching! It worked.

My obsessive-compulsive tendencies were now channeled in a new direction - firing off crazy questions and seemingly far-fetched scenarios to eBay vendors concerning their items mixed in with a dose of TMI (too much information). Thus, Letters to Ebay was born, spawned from the whacked out mind of this persona I created, Art Farkas. Would my great-grandmother Kiki be able to haul the bongos and congas on her back all the way to the street corner to play for loose change? Would the birthday banner prove difficult to attach to the barbed wire that surrounds the cock fighting ring I run? Is the catcher's mitt suitable to catch my first born son as he is birthed into the world? Could the vintage animal trap catch an eighty-two year old man whom we've dubbed "The Fugitive"? All these questions and much, much more are answered in my wild romp through eBay. 'Tis true that I didn't set out to write a book, but I had a mighty good time creating some serious Web mayhem!