How To Give Comfort and Support

Here's something helpful for when life gets hard for those that you care about and want to help but don't know how.

How to Give Comfort and Support

Someone you know and care about has experienced a great loss in their life. Perhaps there has been a lost relationship through death, divorce, break-up or betrayal. Perhaps this loss is physical: accident or disease can change how a person lives his life and what he is unable to do now that he could before. Loss of financial security through unemployment is another unfortunately common hard time in life. Perhaps your loved one has experienced the pain and suffering associated with sexual, verbal, physical or emotional abuse. Now the questions come to you. How do you help? What can you say or do to support the emotionally wounded during this difficult time?

All these and more are great questions, and we have some answers that will help you to be an effective comforter and supporter. Unfortunately, many people mean tremendously well (remember Job’s friends in scripture?). Turn with us to the book of Job to chapter 2 beginning in verse 11.

Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this adversity

that had come upon him, each one came from his own

place-Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar

the Naamathite. For they had made an appointment

together to come and mourn with him, and to

comfort him And when they raised their eyes from

afar, and did not recognize him, they lifted their voices

and wept and each one tore his robe

and sprinkled dust on his head towards heaven. So they

sat down with him on the ground seven days and

seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they

saw that his grief was very great.

Job 2:11-13 NKJV

Show That You Really Care

You can see from this passage that Job’s friends made an agreement to go together to comfort him. That’s great! One of the most important things a person going through life’s hard times needs to know and feel is that he is supported and cared about.

Job's friends cared enough about him to let him be as he was, at least for the first seven days. They mourned his loss with him silently and did not leave him alone. They respected his need to deal with his losses internally.

Does understanding how Job’s friends responded to his loss help you to understand how to support your friend or loved one? Can you just be there in the way that is needed, nothing more or less?

If the person doesn’t want to talk, can you just be there with him or her? If the person does want to share, can you just listen and really hear what he or she is telling you?

The point is, it’s not about you, it’s about the friend or loved one you are supporting and comforting and what is perceived as comforting and caring to him or her. Bear in mind that, because grief is not constant, the needs can vary dramatically and often.

Sometimes those that are hurting in this way can tell us what they need. Sometimes, we need to try different approaches and find the one that works at that moment in time.

You are not alone in your efforts to help your loved one. God is here with you to guide you and help you to be an effective supporter. Count on Him to take up where you leave off, and be sure to ask Him for His wisdom, guidance and discernment. Then, you can truly be used as an instrument of support, comfort and encouragement.