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Does it Always Feel This Way?

It is out of my hands. It's gone! I feel as though I have lost my best friend: a loved one. There is an emptiness, not only in my daily activities, but in my heart as well. A huge hole is left behind. There are many things to fill it. I don't know where to start. Nothing seems right.

My baby is gone! Two years of constant attention put into it. Two years of joy and frustration. It was always there, and now: nothing.

"Life is Like Making Chocolate Chip Cookies" left my hands yesterday and went to the printer. No more edits. No more deadlines. I am actually feeling sick to my stomach. Even though I have the handwritten copies, the working copies, the artwork, and all my notes, I feel empty inside. I feel lost! Does this feeling ever go away?

I was so anxious and excited to get to this point so I could move on. I have the rest of the marketing to take care of. I have other books started. My heart isn't in any of that. My baby is gone! I am restless and fidgety. I pace around the house. When my husband asked me what I was doing I would answer, "working on my book." Now I answer, "I don't know."

Does it always feel this way?

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Comment by SusieSunshine on November 25, 2007 at 6:25pm: Hi, Sharon,

I received an email from someone and she said that it happens to her each time a book leaves her hands and all the 'work' is done (except the marketing). Her email really helped me today. Here is what she said:

"Dear Susie,

When I finished my last novel (years ago) I actually slowed it down..... and then I could feel a white circle of heat/energy literally move slowly from my throat (chakra?) back into my heart. It was weird.

Then I stopped writing, having written five still born books. That didn't go anywhere. I figured, how much can a woman take - my mother had 6 still born children and 7 live ones).

I'd like to have that feeling again - that pulsating white energy in my throat -but I'd have to get serious about writing. I can't do that when I'm suppose to be marketing. It's like when I took both a poetry and a short story class at the same time as an undergrad. I just couldn't write! Those are two very separate activities and the literally clash.

So yes, IMHO, it is a sadness. I took up one of my still born children, had to retype 500 manuscript pages, learn how to self-publish, etc...... and now it's only received just one RAVE review (but still, it's only one......).

For me, writing is an act of love. A form of spiritual making love - like making chocolate chip cookies.

So enjoy.... it's a strange feeling that doesn't come too often. If I were you, I'd luxurate in it. Don't try and do too much too fast so you lose the feeling. Relax. Enjoy. You're feeling a sense of very, very deep contentment with having accomplished a horrendously huge endeavor.

Take care.... and enjoy."

I think that says it all, don't you?

Blessings and Love from my spirit to your spirit!

Comment by Pastor Sharon Billington on November 25, 2007 at 4:22pm: I don't know whether it always feel this way, but I know George and I mourned not working on the first printing manuscript of our emotional recovery workbook for Christians, so maybe it does! At any rate, I am here for you and truly am sorry for your loss but excited to hear about your gains! Keep me posted (That is NOT a pun!)

Blessings,
Pastor Sharon Billington
http://www.encouragingwordsminitries.com
Transforming lives through developing balanced, emotionally healthy relationships with God, others and self