Relationship Coaching Institute Celebrates Tenth Anniversary

This year we are celebrating the tenth anniversary of Relationship Coaching Institute and if you'll indulge me I'd like to share some behind-the-scenes thoughts and history with you.

From Couples Therapist to Relationship Coach

In 1996 I was a couples therapist in private practice burning out valiantly trying to save marriages on the brink of divorce. I finally figured out that for most of my couples it was too late and they really didn't want to salvage their relationship. All of my training, experience and dedication could not reverse the damage for many, if not most, of my clients. I finally "got" that it wasn't about how poor or great a therapist I was- trying to fix something when it's broken just doesn't work very well with relationships. I finally realized that if I wanted to help couples have successful and fulfilling relationships I must approach my work very differently.

But if I didn't do therapy with couples, what would I do? After exploring my options I stumbled upon the growing field of life/personal coaching. Initially I was surprised and shocked that an entire helping profession of non-licensed practitioners had been developing right under my nose and I hadn't heard anything about it. Intrigued enough to enroll in a weekend training workshop, I was completely sold after learning exactly what coaching is and is not. Like many therapists I've talked with afterwards, I had the experience that coaching was very familiar yet very different.

Excited about the possibility of applying coaching to relationships I searched for a training program for relationship coaching and was amazed to find... nothing. Not one. I found many practitioners that called themselves "Relationship Coach," but upon examination each was doing their own "thing" and calling it coaching, which, after my years of clinical training and licensure, was disconcerting to me. I enrolled in a coach training program, became certified as a "Life Coach," then went about trying to figure out how to apply the coaching principles, tools, and strategies I learned to relationships.

Epiphany- Singles Become Couples!

In the summer of 1997, when I started viewing relationships through the eyes of a coach a whole new world opened up for me. One of my first "a-ha" experiences at this time, a true epiphany, was "Singles Become Couples." Wow! It seemed so obvious and logical as a coach to target singles as a huge percentage of the population with relationship goals, but this had never occurred to me as a therapist.

I had no idea how to help singles find and create a successful relationship, and it had been years since I was single, so I went to Barnes and Noble and bought an armful of self-help books for singles. The more I read the more appalled I became at the "advice" in those books, which seemed more geared to how to "get" a man or woman and had little to do with creating successful relationships. Most were written by non-professionals; current or former singles that decided they knew "the formula." I did find a few books that had some useful information and strategies that stimulated my creativity. I sat down with a legal pad and started madly outlining ideas that became the foundation of my "Relationship Success Training for Singles" and my book "Conscious Dating."

LifePartnerQuest Launches

In September of 1997 I invited 12 singles to join a four-week pilot group in my office. I picked their brains and got their feedback about what singles in my area (Silicon Valley, CA) want and need. In October I launched "LifePartnerQuest" to provide support and coaching to singles through workshops, classes, events, individual and group coaching. I decided to sponsor a weekly "Friday Night Social" advertised as a "Safe, Supportive, Educational Place for Singles to Meet." I did a little advertising and a lot of networking with my colleagues and referral sources, and outgrew the initial location in three weeks.

The Friday Night Social was a hit and became a vibrant community of singles who wanted more than a "meat market" environment. Weekly attendence ranged from 20-60, including many new faces each week who were brought by their friends. I started offering classes, workshops, group coaching, and individual coaching, and had more business than I could handle by myself. Luckily, a bright, ambitious graduate student/Executive Coach named Marvin Cohen was attracted to my events in the first month, and we hit it off. I immediately started mentoring him and put him to work. Together we operated LifePartnerQuest and had a blast.

Relationship Coaching Institute is Born

Marvin wasn't the only professional attracted to my new relationship coaching business, and by the end of 1997 I put together a workshop for local therapists interested in relationship coaching. It was well-received by the participants, but after taking my coaching training by telephone I was more attracted to sharing my work via teleclass than the effort and expense of in-person workshops. I consider this to be the birth of Relationship Coaching Institute.

RCI was intially launched online as "LifePartnerQuest" and operated under that name for a few years with the vision of providing relationship coaching information and support to singles, couples, and professionals. Eventually it became clear that putting everything under one umbrella was confusing to all, so I changed the name of our growing relationship coaching training organization to Relationship Coaching Institute, our programs for singles to Conscious Dating, and our programs for couples to Partners in Life. Of course there were many people involved, twists and turns and ups and downs than can't be described in one paragraph or article!

Purpose, Mission, and Vision for Relationship Coaching Institute

PURPOSE: To make the world a better place by promoting successful relationships.

MISSION: To train helping professionals to use a coaching perspective to help their clients find and have successful committed relationships, and support them to have a successful practice doing so.

VISION: Together we create "The Force" for promoting successful relationships in our society. This "Force" is composed of helping professionals of all disciplines who want to promote successful relationships and work together to collaborate and synergize their efforts. To work together effectively we need organization, leadership, common language, tools and strategies, support systems, and more. The role of Relationship Coaching Institute is to be the catalyst for creating "The Force."

More Than Relationship Coaching Training

As we were training coaches, therapists, ministers, and others who wanted to do relationship coaching I became aware of a disturbing trend- our graduates were having a very hard time getting paying clients to help as relationship coaches. While this is common to all coach training programs, it seemed that relationship-oriented people were especially handicapped in the business and marketing department.

Graduates from our trainings were excited and motivated to apply our
programs in their practice. However, we were hearing over and over again how difficult it was for them to get clients, so we added practice development programs and marketing support, charging extra for each program, pricing them as low as possible to make them attractive and affordable. This was the beginning of Building Your Ideal Practice, which spun off be become a separate-but-related enterprise.

It was very difficult to witness our graduates needing and wanting to
participate further in our programs, but not signing up because of the cost, even though we priced them as low as possible. I wanted to remove any and all barriers to accessing our trainings and practice development programs, so we converted to a membership organization where everything is included, which continues to this day.

Beyond providing relationship coaching training, my goal for Relationship Coaching Institute is to provide a venue for helping professionals to come together and collaborate. We have the same purpose and mission, and can be far more successful together than alone. In addition to being the first and largest relationship coach trainining organization, RCI is the largest organization for relationship coaches in general, like a professional association.

In Awe of Playing Large

It seems so long ago that I was a traditional Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice specializing in couples. I look around at what I've built in the past ten years and I'm astounded. When I stumbled upon coaching and transitioned my practice to relationship coaching, it seems like an unlimited stream of creativity and passion was unleashed that propelled me to play larger and accomplish more than I ever thought I was capable.

This year as I turn 50, I feel awe, gratitude, commitment and responsibility for my role in developing and promoting relationship coaching to help singles and couples have successful and fulfilling relationships. I delight in being of service every day to singles, couples and professionals all over world. Tens of thousands of people know who I am, join my mailing list, benefit from my books, audio programs, participate in my programs for relationships and practice-development. I can truly say that I have my dream job.

Where We Are Now

Well, Rome wasn't built in a day. After ten years of building the foundation RCI is just now reaching a tipping point to make significant strides towards the Vision of being the catalyst for "The Force." RCI is the market leader and owns the niche of relationship coaching training for professionals, however we have a long way to go to reach singles and couples directly. While Conscious Dating and Partners in Life have provided information and resources for singles and couples over the internet for quite a while, just last year we launched a Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar Series and Podcast for the pubic featuring top relationship experts. Just this month, our brand new President of Relationship Coaching Network (soon to be re-named Conscious Relationship Network), Frankie Doiron and I are launching our first direct services to singles in the form of our Conscious Dating Tele-Seminar Series and Conscious Dating Tele-Clinic.

Looking Ahead

For the future I have a grand scheme to leverage RCI to help singles, couples, and professionals to get exactly what they want-

Singles want to find their life partner

Couples want their relationship to be successful and fulfilling

Professionals want to make a difference in the world and have a successful practice doing so

My goal is to be wildly successful helping them all be wildly successful. How's that for a New Year's resolution?

Thank you for being part of Relationship Coaching Institute and I look forward to further collaborating with you to make the world a better place for all.