I Don't Understand my Husband

I Don’t Understand My Husband
The lyrics to the old Village People song, "Macho Man" echo in my head. But that’s not my husband. He’s not a macho man; nor did he fulfill my dreams of me marrying a muscular-bound hunk who, with one wink would melt me to nothing.

Instead, I married a man I cannot understand. If you were to peek into our family room, you’d find my husband, Gene, on the recliner with a bowl of chocolate ice cream balancing on his slightly protruding belly, pausing only to press the buttons on the remote control. But if you ask him, he’d insist that he’s religiously committed to his exercise routine - every Memorial Day, Labor Day or any other Monday holiday throughout the year.

Late at night, I call him to come to bed, but he doesn’t budge from the couch. His sniffs are a sure sign that he’s been moved (again) by one of his favorite movies - "It’s A Wonderful Life." Hmm. I wonder if my sons will grow up displaying that sensitive reaction, contrary to that of the typical macho man.

Nothing has changed over the years. Ever since my sons were small, and even during their teenage years, he’d throw his arms around them and hold them in a big bear hug. The fact that their girlfriends’ eyes watched with amazement didn’t faze him. And my oldest son follows his father’s example by displaying the same affection toward his brother.

I scratch my head at the advice he gives them. Instead of emphasizing the need to strive to succeed, he tells them to make God first in their lives and repeats to them the only path to prosperity is to obey God’s instruction to tithe. I sigh. He knows that a wife longs to have a man by her side that is not afraid to assert his beliefs and express his convictions.

And sometimes Gene teaches me lessons I never asked to learn. Many years ago, financial records showed employees had stolen from the business we ran at that time. He devised a plan. He announced to my boys and me that he had reached a compromise with those responsible. He asked them to repay only a fraction of what they had taken and agreed to drop the charges if they would agree to listen to the Bible’s passage on forgiveness. He explained to our family that teaching them about Christian forgiveness held a higher priority than sending them to jail. Goodness, I just couldn’t understand how he could be so kind to those who had wronged us.

Dealing with my parents is another area he handles with unusual flair. He readily agreed to invite them to live with us, but what leaves me in awe is his attitude toward them. He displays patience and so much love that I don’t understand—after all, they’re only his in-laws. I imagine he must know that when he shows genuine care for them, it’s an extension of the love he has for me.

Our life goes on. Even when I’m in a bad mood, he walks around the house attempting to sing without knowing the lyrics. And to baffle me further, no matter what goes on that day, he still kneels with me for our nightly prayer. This never-missed routine has been the glue that held us together even through moments when neither one of us understood life.

Perfect he’s not, but he has a perfect way of displaying Godly qualities. I assume he peeked into the manual he must hide under the mattress, "How to Be a Real Man." And he must have read that a husband earns his wife’s total respect and admiration when actions follow his words.

Amazing me once again, when I lost my sight, he remained true to the vow he made on our wedding day - for better or for worse. I often ask myself how, just how did he manage to bring me out of my despair when my blindness plunged me into a pit of anger and left me feeling bitter, unproductive and ugly? And Gene, with his committed love and devotion, turned me into a queen…and that…I’ll never understand.
Do you have someone you cannot understand? Maybe he or she is right beside you, in the same household, a phone call or an email away.

If you’re like me, sometimes the circumstances and events in a busy life blind us from seeing the fruit in others - that loving gesture, that tender expression, the kind deed or unexpected encouragement.
I invite you to put on your glasses and check out what you’ve missed in that fruit basket.
Matthew 7:16 says "By their fruit you will recognize them" (NIV).

Janet

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