Don't Want to Live, But Afraid to Die

Don’t Want To Live
But Afraid To Die


You have no escape from the trials, heartaches, and despair. You are forced to live even though living is painful and something you would rather not have to endure. It’s called being tired of being tired.

It feels as though you are a run down car with no more combustion in the engine to even light a small spark. After so many start and go events you have just run out of reserve, and your tank is near empty. There is no more power left to propel you through the next episode. You are hoping that no other event will happen to deplete you completely of the little momentum you have. You know you are on you last leg, and hoping to be sustained until some door opening or miracle will manifest itself. You are desperate not to be called out of the game of life, but at the same time, you sorrowfully seek defeat in the hopes that it will relieve you of the pressures that you carry.

You hold onto a thread of hope only because you are truly afraid to check out of the known and enter the unknown. You don’t have the boldness to end your own suffering, so you suffer on in the hopes that maybe grace and favor will come your way. And why not, if there is such a thing as fairness. If there is such a thing, then surely they must be coming your way soon because you are over due for such a visit.

If good things come to those who wait, as they say, then your time is at hand because you have been waiting for a longtime; maybe your entire lifetime.

If there is no such thing as grace and mercy then we have believed in vain and our lives have been nothing but a game of chance a roulette game, just hoping to land on the jackpot.

So, the question is, do you persist on in the hopes that life will turn to be kind to you, or do you get over the fear of death and welcome it?

I guess the answer to the question is that life is for a short span, therefore, because of the brevity of it all, you relent, stick it out, and you continue to hope that good things will come and that there would be a change for the better.

If good things don’t come then it won’t be your fault because you kept the faith. You did what you were supposed to do.

The fault therefore would lie somewhere or with someone else.

Brenda Farrar-Ejemai
Author: The Family In The Car, A Revelation
www.thefamilyinthecar.com