The Chemistry Between Two

Everyone from psychologists to astrologers have tried figuring out what provides that all-wonderful physiological reaction taking place when man and woman meet for the very first time. What turns your skin moist and warm, your eyes dilated and sleepy eyed, and your blood pressure spiking to astronomical levels, surging with lust upon first glance. Many have crashed a car while staring out the window, or even fainted at first sight at their one-in-a-million guy or girl. But, no matter why or when it happens, all of us are always on the lookout for our next sweat-filled, throw-your-hair-back, spark-loaded encounter.

But how does it happen, often times so quickly? How is it that you just know when you know that he/she could be the one? Rather, sometimes they’re actually not the ‘one’ but our bodies are telling us they are. Chemistry isn’t always enough to make you run down a red-carpeted aisle taking weepy-eyed marriage vows. But, it provides plenty of ammunition to begin marching toward a deeper, conscious level with another. It makes you learn about your ability to feel something, to actually connect. That’s it, to connect. I knew I’d heard that one somewhere before!

For some, this special feeling doesn’t happen that often. For others, every other week seems to be the norm. Not a thing wrong with that, just as long as the object of your affections doesn’t take advantage of the situation.

Almost always, having chemistry with another means that you have a language of your own. Many times a voice inflection, or even a glance saying more than a thousand words. You feel that spontaneous reaction with each other from the very beginning. More than lust, you also feel respect, admiration, and like each other more than anyone else. So much so it keeps you up at night, makes you feel on edge thinking about your next date, that persons certain scent, or particular voice on the telephone tempting you with desire.

At a deeper level, chemistry in relationships means that both yours and your partner’s unconscious needs are met - either as a team, or through each other’s strengths. You can understand why love makes you go weak in the knees and causes your heart to skip a beat only if you realize that unconsciously, you (just like everyone else) are searching for the right someone.

I have known many women in my life, some gave me that certain jolt in my stomach, a couple I’ve truly loved. However, one thing I’ve learned through forty eight years of living is that chemistry, or that certain spark, can hit you at the most surprising moments spinning you in all directions.

I remember many years ago I was busy working in an office-type setting. It was during the evening that I answered the phone and heard a certain voice. It was soft, but a bit raspy with a gentle humor that I’ll never forget. As luck would have it she was coming where I was to receive some papers for her work assignment. After we met, and my work was finished for the evening, we wound up spending the next several hours together talking, eating, and just getting to know one another til 4 a.m. We both knew, and felt, that instant chemical reaction. It was as though we’d known each other all our lives. We’d finish each others sentences, knew our next thoughts, and oh my, the physical connection was there for us both. Just the touch of her hand made my adrenaline sky-rocket through cosmic levels. I dated this girl for a very long time. Although it never matured to marriage, it was an amazing experience. And yes, I still think about her often.

Another chance encounter which I’ve never forgotten was during a casual get-together with some co-workers. I was busy mingling, doing what one does at those sorts of things when a certain brunette caught my eye. She was everything I could’ve ever wanted, hitting me like a lightning bolt, shocking me senseless. I tried talking to her, tried I use sparingly here, never focusing on anyone else the rest of the evening. Truthfully, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, which I’m sure caused me to fumble around like a monkey in a china shop. But, she wasn’t feeling the same, I could tell. She didn’t have that certain look in her eyes, like I did. Her attention span was split amongst several of my male friends, and her body language didn’t exactly suggest long, future hand-holding walks in a park. That was over seventeen years ago. We’ve remained distant friends, even occasionally seeing each other. Even now, the chemistry for me has never ended, although I realize it will never materialize for her in the same way. But what’s crazy about her is there’s never been a day, week, or month that I haven’t thought about that beautiful face and mesmerizing personality I met so many years ago. Call it crazy, but during every occasional opportunity I’ve seen her since that very first evening, my heart still skips that same irreversible beat.

So how often does this chemical reaction actually steer us toward a long, healthy relationship? And at what stage during our initial engine start-up do we see things as merely physical, becoming a double-edged sword for distant, oftentimes abusive, hurt feelings?

I’ve had chemistry with many women. And I’ll admit, some should’ve been best left to my fantasies. Just because someone revs you up physically, doesn’t mean there’s compatibility, mutual respect, and the ability to be around them in blissful, poetic harmony. Sometimes, the sparks only lasts a few hours, then quickly fade away and are easily forgotten. Those are the liaison’s to be wary of. The ones where you should break past the sexy curves and chiseled features long enough to see that they’re nothing more than a passing fantasy with no real, long-standing prospect. A total waste of time? Oh no. But letting our libidos go crazy often leads us down an extremely bumpy road.

There was a TV special on PBS a while ago that was very interesting. What it showed was about twenty men and women who’d never met before, not saying a word, gathered together in a room with no make-up, perfume, or cologne, and all wearing the exact same clothing. Even everyone’s hair was hidden by hat-like covers. The women, and men were individually asked who they felt the most attraction for; which one they wanted to take by the hand and lead off into the sunset. After the answers were given it was all but unanimous: Ninety-nine percent said simply: “There was just that instant attraction that couldn’t be described, a rush of adrenaline upon their very first glance.”

In my novel, “Sons In The Clouds” I spend a great amount of time writing about two of the main characters love affair, how it began during their youth, grew through their adulthood, and managed to last til later years despite many heartfelt struggles. It’s a shining example of what true love should be, its purity, depth, trust, and what the special ingredients are which make some couples chemistry last a lifetime. When Andy and Rebecca’s eyes first met in that open field, they both knew they were on to something truly unique. It was crystal clear, they’d found the one.

I hope everyone reading this has frequent chemistry with another. That it leads you to that special place where you long to stay.

Chemistry between two people is God-given. It’s a blessing to hold near and dear throughout our entire lives.