What would I change if I could?

I've always written, but sometimes I wished I had tackled it REALLY seriously when I had less encumbrances, to wit, mortgage and rugrats. I've not long watched 'Hot Tub Time Machine', which you are probably aware is about four guys going back to 1986 via a hot tub, and they have the chance to change certain events that caused their lives to suck somewhat in present day. If I went back to 1986, I'd concentrate more on my writing. I tried to remember what stands out most for me regarding 1986. Of course there's the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster, but for me PERSONALLY I moved into a share house with a pack chronic stoners. Don't get me wrong, I find the odd bit of stoner humour funny. Kevin Smith's Jay and Silent Bob characters kill me. The share house taught me about living with others, and to not do drugs unless I wanted to sit there grinning like a sheep being fellated. Sorry, but that's what these guys looked like. I also fell in love with a guy who turned out to be a passive/aggressive turd who broke my heart. So perhaps I wouldn't go out with my cousin to watch a band, which is where I met the cad. It was one of those Eighties hair-gelled, puffy shirt-clad, strap-on-synth (or keytar) playing type bands that I've always loathed. I'm a lifelong lover of glam rock and glam metal (and the brilliant stuff from the Sixties, too), so as you can imagine Eighties synth-pop offends me greatly. That being said, the band were actually talented musos and are still in the industry. So, I was standing there knocking back a West Coast Cooler (did you get them in the US? It was a kind of sparkly wine with fruit juice mixer in a bottle) staring at this band with bemusement, wondering why the hell I was wasting my time. My cousin was having a ball; she thought they were brilliant. But then, she was a big one for Soft Cell and Duran Duran type stuff, whereas I would sooner hack off my fucking ears than listen to it. So I met this guy. We went out for a while, and then he told me he was still in love with his ex (whom he had caught with another guy). He also said, 'And how many boyfriends have you had before me?' In hindsight, I could have grabbed a pen and pencil and started doing arithmetic, which would have spun him out. If I went back to that night, I think I'd just ignore him when he started giving me the eye. In fact, I would not have been at that concert. I would have told my cousin to just find someone else because I did not want to listen to that musical shite. But then, he might have asked her out and broken her heart, and she's even more sensitive than I am. I'm nine months older, and have always been a bit protective of her. So maybe I did the right thing, even if I had to suffer through synthesised notes, sickly sweet alcohol drinks, and some months of my life that I will never get back spent with what turned out to be a complete tossbag.

People around town have been asking how the book's selling. 'Now as well as I'd like,' is my reply, 'I still have a mortgage.' I'm really trying to change all that. My second book is Young Adult (but oldies will like it, I'm sure!) and it's about a 14 year old boy who meets a beagle who can communicate with him. Check it out at Zeus Publications. The book is called 'Abernethy' - which is the name of the dog. I was doing a book signing at a store, and someone read the back cover blurb, and asked, 'Is it a true story?' WTF? I had to smile sweetly and explain it's fiction, because at the end of the day you don't want to alienate a potential buyer. I really felt like saying, 'Please don't breed.' And she didn't even buy the book (but then, she's too stupid to read it, anyway). The link is http://www.zeus-publications.com/abernethy/htm

All the best. If you want to leave me a comment, I'd love to know what you guys would change, if you could return to the time when you were twenty years old.