I sit here waiting for high tide. I stare into the blue void that is the ocean of life. My mind wonders...love is not suppose to be complicated, regardless of your individual past. Love is warm, kind, and feels so so good when it is actively engaged with the right person
. Sometimes we make the mistake of taking the romantic journey with a partner who does not feel the same way. Betrayal, vindictiveness, verbal and physical attacks, and sexual abuse are NOT
components of any form of healthy love
. We fall in love too quick, too often, too selfishly, and too half-heartedly. We assume we can recover and KEEP IT MOVING...when it is not that simple although love is not meant to be this complicated.
I use to believe in the fairy tale romance
. You are not going to believe this, but at 52 years old I still believe in the fairy tale romance. It is so captivating and sensuous. This love is a young, pure, and consuming love that will last a life time when connecting to the right person. Who is to say, that it can't happen? Who is to say you won't meet the perfect dream lover? First, let us understand what is between the sheets will not make a lasting relationship but will certainly help things along:)
Sometimes you meet a person and we don't give them a chance before we start to push for something they are not ready for. It is not suppose to be this complicated. The seductive body movement, the soft parting of the lips, the way you cuddle, and the warm touch that transmits a cool shiver down your spine. Let's not forget the way he or she says your name, the way your heart beats rapidly, to smell, touch, taste, feel, and see their entire essence and aura. You then reciprocate with this basic yet powerful experiential message of unification of who you are. Two as one, no distance between you; just one heart beat, just one breath, and just one purpose...the two of you born again into Soul Mates.
I always thought love would be so strong it would keep a couple forever. Now love gets twisted, perverted, abusive, violent, weak, dramatic, false, and mundane to the point where people would rather be out of love than in love. Sometimes it is not work the risk of hurt! It is not suppose to be this complicated! Passion was meant to be enjoyed and the mind, body, and soul were meant to unite in a Utopian-like oneness that transcends all states of reality. It is suppose to place two people in a realm of communion, trust, peace, meditation, consecration, and harmony.
Then why do we hurt each other? Why do we deliberately seek out new ways to see our partner in pain? Have we become so ruthless, unfeeling, crass, and uncaring? Have we become so selfish, domineering, money hungry, so out of touch with God, so pathetic, so narcissistic, and so cruel that we change lovers like we change underwear? (major assumption here). What has happen to our society that something designed so flawless and painless will nowadays cause people to commit suicide? Have we lost our direction, morals, ethics, philosophy, connection, and scruples as to what LOVE is all about? I am no life coach, relationship guru, sociologist, psychiatrist, mental health therapist, or certified counselor...yet! In fact, I have returned to an old profession. No,not that old:) I have returned to being a sailor.
I have been ordered on a search and rescue mission! I can no longer stand the deep and dark abyss in my soul. I am on a journey to find what has been ripped from my soul. I refuse to wander in a land of limbo without true feelings of romance and intimacy. I seek that which was there so many years ago but eroded by abuse and domestic violence. The words hurt more than the beat-downs. The forced abstinence of intimacy has left me emasculated for the entire world to see. I am on a vision quest, a spiritual journey, a search, a mission to recover, a trip to bring me back to wholeness. I start at the pier of forgiveness. I weigh my anchor of prayer. I cast off my line of salvation and bring it back onboard. I throw my brokeness overboard. As I man the helm, my ship makes it way to the open ocean of life. The night waters are vividly illuminated by the moon of hope and the stars of faith. As a retired sailor I have found the best crew I could ever sail with on this deployment. God is the Admiral, Jesus is the Captain of my Soul, and the Holy Ghost is the Navigator. I'm nobody special. I'm just a brother looking for a love that will complete me. Fair Winds & Following Seas!
Dr. Joseph B. Howard, Sr.
Battered Clergy: from Victim to Victor...Coming June 5th!
Dedicated to the broken: Hold your head up! God is.....