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Stress in Relationships signal trouble. Did you ever wonder why relationships go from wonderful, to mediocre, to breaking off of the relationship? Every relationship could end this way but sooner or later you meet up with that one special person who you are most compatible with and this relationship you want to last.

Chances are when you first met your partner there was some form of immediate attraction, usually but not all the time a physical attraction. This attraction prompted you to pursue this relationship. Through the first months of your relationship, you continued to find attributes of your partner that you truly admired. You enjoyed being alone to share time with each other. You talked for hours on end without boredom. This person made you relax and made you laugh. You couldn’t wait until the day’s end, when your separate paths would cross once again. When the phone rang, and you heard that voice, picturing this person in your mind, you felt happy and content. So much of your life seemed right, and the thought of being in this person’s arms was a feeling of utopia.

This is natural in the beginning of any relationship. You experience such feelings when you explore any new territory in your life. Mystery and Anticipation awaited you....
Just like the child whose mind begins as a clear slate, you felt overwhelming emotions of excitement, wonder, and curiosity.

After time passes if you experience stress in relationships it is important that you evaluate what’s causing the stress before it grows to a proportion that will damage the relationship. You may simply find that there are things that your partner does that you don’t feel you can accept and live with. In this instance there is no compromise, the relationship may continue until one partner has reached what they feel is their limit of aggravation and one moves on. But, if you both love each other and are willing to take the good with the bad, then you will need to eliminate any stress from endangering the relationship.

Sometimes it is simply that as the years went by, you may have unintentionally shifted your focus to things that irritated you about this person. Perhaps this person is a procrastinator or is not as neat or organized as you would like them to be. If you all of a sudden realize that you are making comments that pronounce these frustrations and you find yourself retaliating in silence while other times you are defending your positions and beliefs of how you feel things should be done - this is your flashing red light warning.
If this isn’t dealt with you will find that over time this can lead to resentment of your partner.

What’s happening? Your life was once surrounded by joy, laughter, and happiness… how could you have gotten along so well for so long with this person and now feel that everything has changed?

Everything evolves and changes but mostly in these cases it is your perception that has changed and that can be reversed or at the least altered. At these crossroads of dealing with stress in relationships we need to place our focus on rekindling those feelings of desire and work on setting those negative feelings on a shelf…a high shelf.

Relax for a moment and take away for an instant all the negative things you dwell on that concern your partner. Then think of the first months that you spent together. Close your eyes, take your time and think of the places that you used to go together and the things that you use to do. Do you remember those feelings of strong attachment that you felt and the yearning you had in your heart just to be in the same proximity of your partner?
These feelings have never left you. You have piled on all of your negative thoughts until you successfully buried the feelings of excitement and wonder. You have unintentionally stunted the growth of your relationship.

Be honest, has this person really changed or were you just not focusing on these issues. Stress in relationships sometime occurs when the excitement and anticipation dwindles and the focus is pulled in a different direction.

You chose your partner as the person you wanted to share your life’s experiences with. It’s not intended to be all glitter and romance it’s meant to be about sharing, growth and emotional support. We can acknowledge that both you and your partner have faults, we are human and not perfect beings, but you can’t let these thoughts take over the relationship or they will smoother it. Use communication and a little romance to reignite the love you buried inside. The rest will follow. Every relationship needs stimulus to keep it alive.

I have a fireplace (fake if you will) it uses gel and this is the most convenient way I can think of to create a romantic evening on a whim, pull out some wine, light some candles and set them on the table then light a fire in the fireplace - instant romance just add water, (kidding about the water that's a different recipe but the fireplace works wonders). Save the money from outings and snuggle up together, have dinner, a glass of wine, a little talk and a lot of laughter. You have the power to stomp out stress in relationships.

Susan Del Gatto, The stress strategist,
is the owner of and author of:
Cobwebs of the Mind
How to Take Control of Stress

Creating Balance in a World of STRESS
Six Key Habits to Avoid in Order to Reduce Stress

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