Where’s My Daddy???

Good Morning All,

Last year I discovered I had a grown daughter that I never knew about. As you can imagine, it caught me totally off guard. The reason that I raise the issue this morning, is to give hope to fathers who have lost their children and to children who are in search of their parents.

There has been a lot of talk lately about the lack of two-parent families in the Black (meaning the decedents of American slaves) community. Some would like you to think that Black men are just baby making machines and not fathers. That our community lacks family values…don’t believe the hype! There are many reasons why Black families are separated in our society (some legitimate and some not).

So as a believer and supporter of the Black family being the greatest power on earth...I want to tell you a story about a 17 year old, poor Black girl out of Meridian Mississippi and her beautiful, resilient, determined daughter, who kept asking the question…Where’s My Daddy?

I was in the Navy and stationed in the South during the 70's. Where I met an intoxicatingly, gorgeous young sister. We fell in love and spent a magical summer together.. Then I was shipped off to the Far East, never to be seen or heard from again. I never knew, when I left that she was pregnant with my child.

Her family (having warned her about the dangers of dating sailors) disowned her. She was left alone at 17 with a new born child and no support, no education, and no hope. Being the strong Black women that she was (even as a child), she picked herself up, got a job, enrolled in night school and moved on with her life.

Now, some 35 ought years later, she is a college counselor with a masters degree. Happily married, with two grown and gone kids...an American success story. Overcoming racism, sexism, poverty, and life struggles... She had made it.

Having attained a productive career, loving family, and material wealth, she had put her past behind her. But her daughter hadn't. Her daughter, even as an adult...wanted to know where’s my daddy.

Being raised in small town Mississippi, my daughter had experienced all the pains of illegitimacy. She was constantly searching for her father. There was a hole in her life. Her bond with her mother was strong but the relationship was turbulent.

Nobody cared; get over it, move on, was the constant advice from family and friends, but she could not let it go. This naturally caused issues in her life. She was married twice and gave birth to two boys, but even love, could not fill that hole in her life. Her mother tried, her maternal grandparents tried, the men in her life tried, but nobody could locate Seamen James I Neusom, US Navy. They wrote letters all the way up the chain of command to the Secretary of the Navy, but no success. What nobody knew, was that my military records, were mysteriously lost after I participated in racially unrest (some called it a mutiny) aboard the USS Ranger.

As a journalist, promoter, and on-air personality for Armed Forces Radio and Television (AFRTS), I was constantly on the move. Traveling from one military base to another, organizing events and entertaining Black troops. You name any major city in Asia…and I was there. Once I left the military, I went back overseas for another 10 years producing my own shows, and trying to break into the entertainment industry. Like most entertainers and radio personalities, I went by many stage names; Jimmy Gunn, Rev. Funk, Master J…I was not easy to find.

But my daughter was smart. In the 70’s my baby momma did not have the advantages of the Internet. She spent years, doing random search’s looking for her father. Calling anyone and everyone with the last name Neusom and the variations there of. Then one day she got a gut feeling about a profile she found on the World Wide Web. He’s from Los Angeles, Lived in Hawaii, about the right age, has small eyes, and was in the Navy, She made a long distance phone call. More out of routine, then hope.

After 20 questions, that all ended with yes…her heart jumped into her throat. There was a trembling in her voice as she struggled to utter the words she had dreamed of all her life. I know this will come as a surprise, and I don’t want anything, but…I’m your daughter! The voice on the other end of the line was silent. After what seemed like an eternity…he asked; and what makes you think that?

She began to cry as she told him about her mother, then she repeated a key story her mother had told her all her life. You had three pieces of glass in your face from an automobile accident when you were 18. The phone went silent again…then the voice asked how he could contact her mother. She immediately dialed her mother via three way. After the initial shock, of hearing who was on the line…her mother somehow uttered the greeting…Hi Jimmy, this is your daughter, Shanin.

Words can not illustrate how I felt at that moment, nor how proud I am of the both of them. Their achievements, their struggles, their bond. I write this story today, because maybe the shock and amazement is finally wearing off., maybe it’s just because I’m a writer and I feel this story of persistence and tenacity has to be told…Maybe it’s because I’m just a proud father.

But for all the sisters and bothers out there still searching, longing and wondering about their missing fathers (and mothers)…don’t give up the struggle. There is hope, and one day, you too will find your maternal roots.

Peace and Gods blessings,

Jim Neusom Executive Director/Publisher

InterServe Networks/City Lights Software, Inc.
www.citylightssoftware.com
www.freshfaces2u.com
www.myspace.com/jimneusom
www.myspace.com/freshfaces2u