My Friend - Mark A. Detri

On November 2nd of this year, my friend Mark Detri died suddenly, unexpectedly while on business in Ohio. His wife Lisa called us from their home in New Jersey a few hours after she was told. What do you say when you get the worst possible phone call?
Mark was like a brother to me. My wife met his wife at college in the early 80’s and we have loved him and his family for all these years. They were our best friends and our lives paralleled in many ways. Mark grew up in Stowe, PA and he and I played football against each other; me at Boyertown and Mark at Pottsgrove. That was a few years before we became friends. When their first son Joe was born, my wife Barb and I went to the hospital that night in West Chester to see them. I’ll never forget the tears of joy Barb cried seeing that beautiful baby boy. Mark beamed as proud father.
I am still grieving for his family, his wife and three children. I feel his loss deeply. I pray for his family. How will they go on? Their lives have been completely changed. Lisa said they have to find a new normal. Where, when?
Of course tragedies make people reflect inward. What would my family do if I died tomorrow? Where is God in this? Why would God take a good man from a loving family? Mark’s death was not accidental, there was no malice, he was not a victim. He died of a natural cause. This is one of the hardest things to talk about to someone without faith. Questions only God can answer.
We all go through valleys in life. 2009 has been a very difficult year for me in many regards. A short time before Mark died, I remember thinking about how much worse things could get. God answered that question for me. We all wonder why we have to go through these shadowy valleys. I look for purpose and lessons to be learned along the way. Believers understand there will be trials and tests in life to build faith. But we also need rest in between the valleys; restoration in the green pasture on the high ground.
Compared to an innocent death, evil is almost understandable – it is what it is; people harming others willingly because of their deliberate but mostly ignorant rebellion against God. God gives us all free will – it is up to each person to choose to accept Him or not. People choose to do harm or not. Do evil or good. Be charitable or greedy.
Mark’s family and friends are still suffering in their loss. Why does God allow suffering? How do you explain an innocent death to someone with no faith in God? For now, here on earth, we won't be able to. A lot of people will find that answer unsatisfying and easy for a person with no faith to dismiss it. But the hard part is, it always comes back to faith. Faith that God knows what is best. For Him to carry out His plan. The example was given many years ago of the underside of a quilt or the backside of a needle point which is a jumble of twisted and mixed up threads, a collection of knots and cut off strings with barely any recognizable pattern. I believe we will all one day, upon our deaths, believers or not, be shown the finished side of the tapestry that was our lives. The pattern will be revealed and the picture of our lives made plain with all the connections explained, questions answered, and all the twists and turns of our lives will make sense. The complex mysteries of life deserve simple answers.
My friend Mark’s death has created a void, a huge empty space where his love used to be. How does that hole get filled? What can replace the love he was able to give to his family? Only time; more love and God’s grace.
John can be contacted through his website www.JohnCBieber.com