Q&A with Sue Badeau, my guest today @2PMEST on The G-ZONE!

Question: How did you get involved in foster care and adoption?

Sue: I always wanted to adopt. One of my favorite books when I was around 10 old was “The Family Nobody Wanted” by Helen Doss about a family who adopted a dozen or so children from many ethnic and racial backgrounds with all kinds of special needs.  I knew in my heart that this was exactly the family I DID want.  I was blessed to marry a man who shared this vision.  His heart for children is even bigger than mine.  And so, it is not surprising that our own adoption journey began within months after our wedding day!

Question: What is the biggest misconception people have about adoption from foster care?

Sue: I would say there are 4 major misconceptions.  The first is that you have to be “perfect” and wealthy to adopt. Adoption agencies are looking for parents who are stable and can give a good home to a child, not for “perfect” people.

The second major misconception is that “love is enough”.  Whether you adopt an infant or a teenager or any child in between, the child has lost their original parents and in most cases that child has lost much more – perhaps they have experienced the trauma of abuse, neglect and/or abandonment.  Perhaps they have lost siblings or grandparents that they loved.  In any case, these losses require more than “just” love to bring healing into their lives.  The children – no matter what age and no matter how “severe” the abuse they suffered or the special needs they have – are not so “damaged” that they cannot be healed and live wonderful, joyful, productive lives.  However, it takes a lot of hard work, faith, supports and resources in addition to love to make this happen.

A third misconception is that you can never love a child – especially an older child or teen -  not born to you quite as much as you would love “flesh of your flesh” – this is totally untrue!  I love every one of my children – both those born to me and those adopted – with my entire heart and soul and although the relationships with each child is as unique as the child him or herself, the quality and depth of the love is equal and deep beyond measure.

Question: What is the greatest challenge adoptive parents face?

Sue: Stress, fear, confusion, grief, anger – lots of stuff.  It is so important to have a good support system in place.  The church can be a great support but many times our churches do not have solid knowledge about adoption or foster care, so they can inadvertently (and with all good intentions) actually undermine or sabotage the adoptive family rather than supporting them.  I would love to see a few people in every church who really learn about and understand adoption and all the related issues such as child trauma and then are able to truly minister to families in their congregation and the community who are parenting children not born to them.  This is a constant theme in my teaching and writing.