Why Can't I do The Final Proof Read of my Novel?

I had been anticipating this moment for days. The publisher advised that they had shipped my novel for a final proof read before authorizing print and publication. Every morning I woke up with the birds and waited for the post man to arrive. For six days I was disappointed and then on the seventh day it was in my letter box, the brand new, fully loaded, final proof of 'The Magic Eye'. This looks like a real book, feels like a real book and it should even read like a real book. So why am I scared to open it and have a read. Because I am, that’s why! Blood sweat and tears have gone into this book. Inspiration, innovation, perspiration and even exasperation have gone into this book. I am so excited, so full of expectation and so pleased. So why can't I open it and start to proof read? Maybe I'll have a glass of wine for some ‘Dutch Courage.’ Maybe I will go for a walk to psyche myself up. Maybe I will watch the television and wait till tomorrow. But it is sitting there, right in front of me. The cover has a big eye on the front and it is staring at me. Everywhere I go in the room the eye follows me. I swear it just winked at me. Why am I so nervous? I just am.
I’ve published books before and it was never like this. The Balanced Innovator was a business book but it had an element (or two) of controversy. From Salford to Tucson and Back Again was all about my life as a Manchester United fan, dirty laundry and all. So why is this one different? Why is ‘The Magic Eye scaring me so much? I shouldn’t be paranoid; after all I’m a fairly successful guy with a lovely family and wife.
I’ve travelled all over the world and been stuck in places I wish I had never visited. I’ve worked for 36 hours without a break on a proposal that was the make or break for the major corporation I worked for. I’ve met Princes and Sheikh’s, and CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies. I’ve spoken in front of thousands at conferences and summits. Surely all of these things are more likely to scare me than my first novel? A novel is a thing of joy. It is a work of art. It is something to be proud of. I am delighted with the way it ebbs and flows. I am delighted that it is suitable for people of all ages, although aimed primarily at children. I am delighted that it is finished as a final draft and that it has a real beginning, middle and end. I swear that the eye just winked at me again. So why am I so nervous? I just am!
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