A new addition to the family

I am Marta. Daughter of Tomasz and Marta, big sister of Maciek, and, since last week, owner of Fanta.

Fanta is four months old. She has golden fur with white ,,socks". She's my dog. Well, at least she's supposed to be my dog. We already have one: a12 year old mutt named Portfel (which means wallet in Polish). He is my mother's dog and extremely jealous. So, we're doing everything to make Fanta devote herself to anybody differetn than mom, who can't handle being the favorite person of two dogs. So far, I don't think it's going well.

Fanta sleeps in my room. She whinnes until I pick her up and place in my bed. As soon as I open the door, she runs upstairs to mom anyway. Her favorite toilet time is early morning. When I wake up and don't walk her (I'm trying to teach her that there's no way for me to walk her at 6 o clock in the morning) she pisses on the floor and lies a poop. She's still a pup, so she pisses when she's happy/afraid/stressed/when we put her collar on/else. She hates her collar and does everything in her might to remove it. The vet says she'll get used to it in some time.

Fanta doesn't react to her name yet. No wonder, since we've been changing it a few times. At first, we called her Mrówa (ant) but that was embarrasing, so we renamed her to Sara. But then we discovered, that the dog of the neighbours is called Sara, so we had to rename her again. This time, to Fanta. My idea.

Our old Portfel seems to be getting quite well with the new dog. As soon as he discovered it's a female, he started to take attempts on her . Poor pup. We hope for puppies when Fanta's old enough. Portfel is 12, but he's still in his full potential. Besides, Fanta's parents were 12 and 14 when concieving her (lucky shot).

My mom criticizes me for not putting heart enough into rising my dog. She says I lack self confidence and it scares Fanta. Hallo, I'm just trying to be gentle! It's not my fault that she doesn't understand me! Geez, how am I going to rise kids if I can't even rise a dog?

I'm trying to be nice to Fanta. But I just can't feel any kind of devotion with her. In fact, I barely feel any devotion to other people. Whne my grandfather died, I didn't cry or miss him. I don't like my mother. I don't miss father when he's abroad. I don't miss my brother when he's on some camp\or something. The only time I remember I missed anybody was when I was at hospital after backbone surgery. I missed my friends from internet. But then I discovered, that then didn't even notice my 2 weeks long abscence. Quite a hard luyck, I say.

When I see all of the people who love somebody, who do everything for their firends and fmailies, who suffer when people close to them suffer, I just don't get it and it scares me. What is wrong with me? Why can't I devote myself to others? Why this indifference?

I wrote a poem. When my grandpa died. I called it ,,Thunder and ash". It's in Polish. I might translate it.

Well, guess it's it for now.