Principals in Action

Relationships 2

Principal in Action

We have established that being a Christian is not at all the same as being religious. How does that work out in practice, or at least how should it work?

One of the major problems is that over the centuries we have made Christianity much like a religion, perhaps it was Constantine’s fault as much as anyone’s. However, we cannot lay
all the blame at his door, it’s time for us to think for ourselves, and if
necessary, to change. And if possible, influence others to change. It is vital that we do not accept the ‘norm’,
that we don’t maintain the status quo, rather let us be alternative.

Jesus said, ‘This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other..’ (John 13:35 TM)

The word love has some strange connotations in western culture, especially its use in the English language; we love each other, we love our children, we love our boyfriend, and we love tomato
ketchup. We use the same word for all of
it. When marriage breaks down, we say we have fallen out of love, whatever that
means.

The bible talks about the fact that Jesus loved us enough to die for us ‘while we were still sinners’. In other words, while we did not like him, know him or love him, in fact we might very well have been actively rebellious
against him. Yet while we were like that, he loved us enough to die for
us. That is amazing and real love!

Love, of course, has its emotional element, but ultimately, real love is an act of the will. The love that God has for us, and the way that he wants us to love each other is a love that is consistent and
unwavering, a love that keeps on loving even when that love is not returned. For that is how God loves us. That’s hard, I hear you cry! Yes, I agree, that’s why we need that kind of
love to be put into us by God. We are
not very good at that type of love are we?
But we are very good at the namby pamby sort of love that falls away
when the emotions fade, the type of love that when tough times come, pops like
a soap bubble.

The love that God has for us keeps on flowing even when it is not returned. Let me be clear, that does not mean that in our loving relationships nothing is questioned
or challenged, that’s the namby pamby type of love. Real love challenges and does not accept
wrong. It does not say in a friendship, ‘because you are my friend, and I love
you, I will bless you whatever you do or say, always going along with anything
and everything you say and do’. The
Bible says that ‘you are blessed when you receive wounds in the house of your
friends.’ A strange saying that means
friends who truly love you will tell you the truth, and will let you know when
they see you going off track, they love you enough to help you get back on the
right path.

That’s the theology, the theory, but how does that work out in practice? People often say to me, ‘I have real problems at work or college or school (you fill in the
blank) because I am a Christian’. But I think to myself, ‘actually, that is not
the case at all, the truth is you are an awkward person, someone who is very
difficult to get along with’. I rarely
voice that, but nonetheless I think it.
From experience I know that voicing it can often make matters much
works. I do try to be a little more
tactful.

These same people will also say, in the presence of others they perceive to be Christians, ‘God has accepted me as I am so you must too!’ In these instances I usually
do have something to say, which is this, ‘Sure, God loved you while you were
rebellious and not even liking him, but because he love you so much he does not
want to leave you like he found you. His
plan is to change you, actually his ultimate plan is to make you like his
unique son Jesus, and to do that he uses your friends as well as his Holy
Spirit. These change elements, over
time, will rub off your rough edges, and I will not let you cop our by trying
to stay as difficult as you are at the moment.’

If we are going to have real love in our relationships, then we will carefully correct each other, giving and receiving advice and guidance in love. But this correction tactic is to be use gently and
wisely and not as a weapon. Sometimes, when a so-called friend says, ‘I love
you but…..’ You know it’s time to swiftly don that tin hat! We must earn the right to speak, before we
can speak we need to know that person, understand the path they are walking,
recognise their struggles and avoid a judgmental heart at all costs. Our example is Jesus; he showed us he loved
us long before he brought about any change.
That showing must come before the telling!

We need that 70 x 7 approach to forgiveness that Jesus speaks about.

I also think we need faith. It’s odd how much easier it is to have faith for stuff like money, cars, jobs and events but so very hard to have faith that people can change and be different. But we need to have that expectant faith,
that God can and will do new things in our friends, as much as we need to have
faith that God can change us.

That’s all it takes, let’s start having God’s love in our relationship. Let our love for others be so clear that no-one will be in any doubt that we are his followers.

Adrian Hawkes

14th February 2010

(Valentines Day)

1022W